The Marmalade Chronicles

As promised, here are the Marmalade Chronicles. Starting with the first one.

My sister Marmalade is back for the holidays.

She goes to a fancy boarding school because she didn't get on with the kids in her local secondary school. My local secondary school. It was all my fault of course. See, older siblings have long known and accepted the fact that it's always their fault. Instead of Mothers bringing up their children, it is actually the job of the older sibling. Not like in Victorian times when there were eighteen children and an over-worked mother who spent all day making stew and darning ragged tunics, but still, the older child is responsible for the younger one.

As if Marmalade needs looking after. Marmalade just got in one teeny tiny fight, and mum's pulling her out and enrolling her in that posh school. That never happened to me. And I got picked on plenty! There was this time that Melanie Slater stole my favourite lunch box, it had a picture of The Little Mermaid on it, and she stole it and drew a moustache on The Little Mermaid and then the next day I found it on my desk all full of toilet paper.

But did I get transferred?

Oh nooo, not me, not big sis. Only Marmalade, because she's special.

Like I care, I mean, who wants to be going to a snooty boarding school? I'd feel guilty that I was costing mum all the extra money.

Mum doesn't always call her Marmalade. She sometimes calls her “My Little Caterpillar,” which is just gross. It's because Marmalade used to like playing with bugs and stuff, and she made mum get her a green bedspread, and green curtains and a green rug. Again, I'd never do anything like this, because I'd feel guilty due to extra expense, but of course, Marmalade is so self-involved she only thinks of herself. Selfish little worm.

She's back for the holidays, Mum wanted me to go and pick her up on the train. Why should I? I was busy! I have exams! Marmalade is in year eight and she does nothing but mess around and send stupid little notes to her friends, and text her boyfriend.

Marmalade has a boyfriend. It's completely unbelievable. I mean, she's not even pretty. She's OK, if you like the whole long-blonde-hair-little-princess-butter-wouldn't-melt-in-my-mouth-thing, but she's so fake it's unbelievable. Seriously.

Her boyfriend's ugly anyway.

I ended up getting her on the train because mum's oh-so-busy, apparently. I got there, and I'm like, three minutes late, and she's standing there with all her suitcases around her.

“Hey Caterpillar.”

“Hey Pig.”

“I am not a pig.”

“Are too.”

“I'm not listening, I've risen above it.”

“As if.” Pause. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. C'mere worm.”

Marmalade's not bad, for an annoying little sister.