Conspiracies

So it's like, what, twelve o'clock and yeah I just got up an hour ago but I get hungry, breakfast isn't really filling, you know? So I wonder downstairs, maybe grab a banana or something. Then I head back up because you know, the kitchen is empty. Except for the computer, but she's not a sentient being, is she?


Then it's like, half twelve and I come back down because yeah now I'm properly hungry and the banana did nothing, except left a kinda papery feeling in my mouth that didn't go even after I rinsed with mouthwash and man did that taste bad. FAR too minty. It's gotta be like sweet minty. Not DANGEROUS minty. It's too spearmint, not enough peppermint. And don't even get me started on Dental pH cause that stuff is LETHAL. And the kitchen is still empty. Well I say empty. There's you know, washing that my mum will be all "sarah can you take the washing out?" which means can you take it out of the washing machine, sort it put it into the drier, wait for twenty minutes, take it out of the drier, put it on the radiator.
But there's no food up for grabs.
I return to my room.

One oclock, this is definitely time to eat. I'm not even able to put off eating by doing work or staring at the ceiling or writing fanfics and lemme tell you, you're in a bad way when you can't write fanfics. Seriously. Those things write themselves. Not, that I would know. So seriously, there is no action in the kitchen. None what so ever. The stove is empty, unless you count my mum filling them with water and leaving them on there so that I think for one second there is a chance of leftovers and then lift the lid and realise the deception.
I return upstairs.

One thirty comes around and I'm back in the kitchen, eating a satsuma. For goodness sake those things are pretty much just water. I'm just kidding myself.

It's generally at two that I crack, and start raiding the cupboards for something that I can make. I hate sandwiches so it's generally pasta, potatoes or fish. It takes about half an hour at which point my brother and mother both enter. My brother having only awoken two hours previously has eaten breakfast and smelt food and come down. My mother, realising her evil plan has come to fruition has come to wallow in triumph.

And then she's all "Aww you're so good, cooking for yourself" and I'm like DON'T THINK I'M FALLING FOR THIS.
It's SO difficult these days.