It's nearly christmas

for some reason this year listening to christmas songs makes me feel like gagging. It just seems so pathetic! And I really really can't stand it when people start singing to themselves, or with a group of friends. Man that pisses me off.

today Mush and Nandi left, we didn't really give them a good leaving party or anything, but it's harder now days, I don't know why, but we're not as....vivid as we used to be. Instead we just chatted a bit. I wrote them a letter that they can read wheneve and hopefully it'll cheer them and help them to remember us. To be honest, Mushana seems really gutted about leaving me for a month or so. I didn't realise she was so attached to me. It's not like I don't like her, I really do, but I suppose the fact that we're going to see each other after the holiday means that I wasn't so upset about the whole thing. but then that's me, since when have I been upset that I wouldn't see someone for a while? I remember when I was in year ten, Kat was really upset that she wouldn't see me over the christmas holidays and I didn't get why. I don't think that makes me a bad person or anything, just different.

I gave Mohan a ring this morning, to match the paper clip one that she made for me. Well, that Vicky made for her to give to me. It's just a pipe cleaner but she seems to like it, so that's cool. I had a chat with Alyesha and Rachel and I feel much better now. I guess I was blowing things out of proportion before. hehe, ya, sounds like me. I just sometimes get confused with what's real, and what's not, like what is serious and what I'm making up to amuse myself.

In chemistry today we learnt about nmr. I think I understood it to begin with, but now that we're given questions on it I'm completely confused. It's really annoying as well because Nicola isn't here, and Mohan never helps me. Minal would, but she doesn't completely get it either, so there's no point in asking her. Basically I need to figure some stuff out for myself. I suppose that's like life, right? You can't keep asking for directions, after a while you have to make up your own mind. Wow that's pretty deep, and you know I'm shallow as a dish. Well at least I pretend to be most of the time. I feel it makes things easier. And if you're stupid enough to believe that it's true, well that's youre loss, huh.

Do you know that if all of my friends died now, we'd all regret the same thing? it's not rocket science though, I mean everyone in our situation would regret it. I feel bad that anyone who reads my blog will wonder what the hell I'm doing. See I'm not writing it for people anymore, I'm writing it for myself. Yes I like it when people comment and by people I mean Yas or Megan, but it's okay if they don't, because it's good to get thoughts out on paper likes this. and I have a lot of thoughts!!!

The ground was frozen today, and I had to walk carefully on my way to school to avoid tripping. Fishy yelled my name and I turned around and waited for her on the road. I didn't realise she could yell so loud. Then we walked the rest of the way together, I like fishy, she's cool. I wonder if she likes being called Fishy, or if she'd prefer Fiona? She doesn't seem like the kind of person that would care.

I have the death note soundtrack stuck in my head.

Latersz