Blink and You'll Miss It

So yesterday when I was on webcam with Dillie, she said that I looked older. Now I do a very good impression of a six year old, I must say. I kid, I kid. I look about 14. And I'm nearly 16, so really, I look alot younger than I really am, but she said that I was getting older.

So being me, I spent a bit of time staring at myself in the mirror, and you know what I realised? I am getting older. I'm growing out of my baby face, and I'm loosing the whole roundness thing. Sometimes I even look 16!

The thing that's a bit weird, is that until she mentioned it to me I didn't even consider the fact that I might be finally growing out of my childlish looks. I suppose I've just gotten use to it, because it's been like this for so long. I mean, I haven't changed since..well since I was about 11. That's a long time to stay the same. So when Madeline mentioned it yesterday, I took it for granted that she was kidding. Then I went upstairs and had a look in the mirror. It's true. My face is changing, it's gone more heart shaped than circular, and my nose is sort of...straighter. Inface, I look like one day I might just be an adult.

This is a difficult thing to get my mind around. Especially because I quite like the changes. I am torn between longing to stay a child, curiosity to see what I end up looking like, and a painful desire to pause time.

All this is futile of course, as I have no control over how I end up looking, and time will go on inevitably. I wonder when I'll peak, when I'll look my best. I wonder if I want to know. If I don't maybe I can pretend that I am still growing, and that all growing girls get wrinkles. I doubt this very much. I supose I shouldn't be worrying about that sort of thing. I should be worrying about exams. What's the point really though? It's not like it'll help to worry, unless I actually revise because I get so worried, and that is unlikely is it not?

It still irks me, that I'm changing and that not only did I not notice it, but there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know the rules of this odd game, when will I stop? How will I know what the finished product is? What if I suddenly look in the mirror and see someone else?

I don't suppose it's my job. Someone else can do it.