So quiet, another wasted night, television steals the conversation

Exhale. Another wasted breath again it goes unnoticed.

So I've got lots of thoughts. I'm thinking of making a box, so that when I'm bored or when the cravings get too much I can look inside the box. I'll put loads of things in it, like jigsaws, and colouring books and yoyos. I need to learn how to knit. I might just, the possibilities are endless.

I like that idea, a little box, filled to the top with toys. Childrens toys I suppose but I'm not a child? Like a children's toychest. It'll be secret, mine, but I'll use it all the time. I'll be quiet all on my own but quiet and maybe happy.

I have so many plans! I might keep my room clean, I might write letters to strangers, I might get a pen friend. I could do anything. I plan to culivate pleasures of easily gained expiriences, like sucking on sherbet lemons and blowing soap bubbles. I'll watch the stars from the roof tops and wait while my eyes adjust to the dark.

There's so much to do..so many worlds I haven't explored yet. I'm worried that I wont be able to use my time effectively! What if I run out?

Most importantly, I'll be able to get back to the real world. My real friends, I mean I've been neglecting them really badly recently because I've just..oh I don't know. I suppose I've been in a bad mod because Iv'e been having lots of problems and things on my mind, but most of the time when you think about it, my problems are all self inflicted.

There's a part of me that doesn't want to go back, to be with my friends from school and live a proper life, but even if I don't want to socialise, I can still be happier away than I am here.

I occasionally forget why I'm doing this. I'm holding onto the thought that everything will get better. I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't.

13 days remaining.