Here goes

So I guess I owe you all a big explaination. Anyone who comes here no doubt has gone on ue, or checked their emails and knows that I've left the internet for now, burnt all my bridges and even given up my moderating job. Boy that was hard.

Except obviously I haven't done any of that yet. See I've been planning this for a while now. How would I have been able to write and send all of the emails in time? How would I have been able to write my going away speech on ue, and how would I have been able to write this, all on one day? I couldn't of course. Today, it's the 30th of December, and I'm speaking to a couple of people on msn and no one has a clue that in a few days I'm just going to put a flame to my entire internet life. Well that's a lie, I think Freshie knows and Rob suspects something is up, but no one else.

I'm so terrified.

I've spent what, two years? Building up this persona, working my way up on ue, getting friends, trying to help people, but the internet has sort of consumed my life.

Recently, you might have noticed I've been down. It's been a few months actually, maybe three. I've been sort of depressed. I've been crying alot, and some of my phobias have gotten worse. The fact of the matter is retreating into the computer hasn't been helping me at all. My life has been feeling really useless and I've been unsatisfied. Worse still I hate lying to you all the time when you ask how I am. A couple of times I've been honest, but even then you probably haven't known just how rubbish I've felt.

Anyway, I haven't been living, I've been doing nothing except for using the computer. I'm always getting in trouble with my mum and arguing with my brother because of something that's happend online.

A couple of my friends suggested I get out more, which I did, but I didn't really enjoy it because my life, my friends were on the internet. It was so pathetic, is so pathetic. I get so upset when anyone has friends over to goes out, and they leave me behind. TEW said she was going to be lonely at new years so I volunteered to stay up and talk to her. Later she said she had a friend coming over and I needn't. This tiny stupid thing upset me. The fact of the matter is, the internet didn't need me as much as I needed it.

So I am going to send out several emails, saying goodbye to particular people, I hope I don't leave anyone out. I'm going to take a step back, out of the internet and try to make things better. If I fail, I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused.

I'm going to be keeping up my blog, and my fictions, and my comic. All information about them will be posted here. If you don't hate me, and do read my blog, please comment on it. I will be answering my emails.

My feelings right now? Well, I am this close to backing out, if it weren't for the fact that everyone knows, I would. I've burnt all my bridges. There's nothing pulling me back.

Showtime.