The things I do..

Feel proud of me, all of you that have spent countless msn conversations trying to persuade me to enter the real world. Feel less useless, those of you who wanted to fight my demons for me without realising quite what they are. Feel relieved, those of you who were afraid I would spend the rest of my life in front of the computer...not that anything is certain.

Yesterday, my friend mentioned to me that maybe we should go ice skating, as they have put an ice rink in the centre of town. I was a bit apprehensive, as that would mean going into town, so as usual I said nothing definite. But that's nothing new. I was somewhat surprised that my friends were still asking me to go places with them, and not just supposing that I would automatically say "I have some homework," or "I'm not feeling so good this week, maybe another time." But they seem to still have some faith, or maybe they are just not very observant. Either way, I was all set to forget about it, when my mom mention it in the car. I was mega surprised, my mother, actually trying to persuade me to go outside? It's something of a foreign concept to me. But she did, and she sort of said I should go, in a sort of, "I-suppose-if-you-really-want-to-go-and-you're-with-a-group-of-friends-and-I-don't-have-to-do-anything, way. Which is a more enthusicastic way than normal. I assured her that I didn't really want to go, and I'd prefer to stay at home, but shockingly, she seemed to want me to go.

I felt like saying "Who the hell are you and where did you put my mother?" but I didn't think she'd appreciate this kind of humour. Instead I just played it down and smiled at her.

So it looks like I might go..my friends called again and say we should go tomorrow. I'm a little worried. I mean it's going ot be the centre of Birmingham and if anyone knows even the slightest thing about me, they're likely to know that the centre of Birmingham is not on my list of places to be. Infact I recall that it's high on my list of places that I would really rather not visit unless there is no other choice because I don't like being there at all and just thinking about it make me nauseous. I'm not going to go into the whole why I don't like it, or what scares me about it so much, because I doubt anyone wants to read that, nor am I willing to divulge that information even if they did. Somethings are personal.

I was still a bit iffy, but I mentioned it to Jo, and she sort of wanted me to go. Well, "sort of wanted me to go," is a little bit of an understatement. She did say that if I went it could be considered a Christmas present for her. This sort of thing pushed me over the edge. I haven't been able to think of anything to get her for absolutely ages, and so I thought, if she really wants me to go, maybe I should.

The point is, I do alot of things for my friends. If I know that they really need something I'll give it to them, if I know they really want something, I'll get it for them. I might be violatile, and dishonest, but I try to do what's best. My online friends make this difficult. What can you do for someone across the internet? It's a bit difficult, especially when it comes to things like their birthdays or christmas. I've been through everything, from writing poems and drawing pictures to simply saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" on the mic. But I know, that whatever I get them, yes it shows that I care, but do they really want it? Is it of any value to them? No. I don't think so. And I never like giving gifts if they aren't going to be used. What on earth is the point of thos bath salts I get from my birthday, when I don't have a bath? Why do people insist on giving me point romances, because they know I like books. Sometimes an unwanted gift is worse than no gift at all, what's the point of giving unless it's something worthwhile. You might as well just give someone a hug to show you care if you want to take the "it's-the-thought-that-counts" point of view.

So, if going skating will really make Jozina happy, then I suppose I'll do it. And not just for her, alot of people might be happy to hear I'm going out of the house, even if it's just once in the entire holiday. It's a start I suppose.


P.S. Who is it that keeps commenting? I don't mind, heck, it's fun to see that someone's reading, but there is a fine line between stalking and appreciating, and leaving your name makes it just a little clearer. If you don't leave your name, I suppose you do get to be all mysterious like Xena, Warrior Princess. Unless of course her real name was Xena. But I doubt that. Why the heck would anyone call their daughter Xena?