Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Living Happy Is a Choice

Gosh I'm sleepy today. I think ti's because I was outside doing this weird biology coursework. We have to count this species of plant, it's called Cats Ear. Basically it's freeezing outside, and therefore i expend a lot of energy keeping warm. Thus I am now exhausted.
Today I gave kimberly her secret santa, which was a comic book i made for her. I hope she liked it...I feel like she might have preferred if I had given her something like a dvd voucher, but that feels so impersonal.

It's Mohan's birthday today. she's actually nineteen which is weird, because I'm not eighteen yet. Aah I'd hate to be nineteen, I'm glad I'm still seventeen. I kinda wish I was sixteen!!!

Tomorrow I'm going to south africa, which should be good, I guess. Too bad that's two weeks without the internet...I'm gonna explodeee. Eeep biology, chemistry and history coursework. I think I've got it all down, but there is still a worry in my mind...oh well, worse case scenario i have to make it up in my exams. I can do that though, surely.

Yawwwn I'm so dozy, I think I'm going to go...

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

It's nearly christmas

for some reason this year listening to christmas songs makes me feel like gagging. It just seems so pathetic! And I really really can't stand it when people start singing to themselves, or with a group of friends. Man that pisses me off.

today Mush and Nandi left, we didn't really give them a good leaving party or anything, but it's harder now days, I don't know why, but we're not as....vivid as we used to be. Instead we just chatted a bit. I wrote them a letter that they can read wheneve and hopefully it'll cheer them and help them to remember us. To be honest, Mushana seems really gutted about leaving me for a month or so. I didn't realise she was so attached to me. It's not like I don't like her, I really do, but I suppose the fact that we're going to see each other after the holiday means that I wasn't so upset about the whole thing. but then that's me, since when have I been upset that I wouldn't see someone for a while? I remember when I was in year ten, Kat was really upset that she wouldn't see me over the christmas holidays and I didn't get why. I don't think that makes me a bad person or anything, just different.

I gave Mohan a ring this morning, to match the paper clip one that she made for me. Well, that Vicky made for her to give to me. It's just a pipe cleaner but she seems to like it, so that's cool. I had a chat with Alyesha and Rachel and I feel much better now. I guess I was blowing things out of proportion before. hehe, ya, sounds like me. I just sometimes get confused with what's real, and what's not, like what is serious and what I'm making up to amuse myself.

In chemistry today we learnt about nmr. I think I understood it to begin with, but now that we're given questions on it I'm completely confused. It's really annoying as well because Nicola isn't here, and Mohan never helps me. Minal would, but she doesn't completely get it either, so there's no point in asking her. Basically I need to figure some stuff out for myself. I suppose that's like life, right? You can't keep asking for directions, after a while you have to make up your own mind. Wow that's pretty deep, and you know I'm shallow as a dish. Well at least I pretend to be most of the time. I feel it makes things easier. And if you're stupid enough to believe that it's true, well that's youre loss, huh.

Do you know that if all of my friends died now, we'd all regret the same thing? it's not rocket science though, I mean everyone in our situation would regret it. I feel bad that anyone who reads my blog will wonder what the hell I'm doing. See I'm not writing it for people anymore, I'm writing it for myself. Yes I like it when people comment and by people I mean Yas or Megan, but it's okay if they don't, because it's good to get thoughts out on paper likes this. and I have a lot of thoughts!!!

The ground was frozen today, and I had to walk carefully on my way to school to avoid tripping. Fishy yelled my name and I turned around and waited for her on the road. I didn't realise she could yell so loud. Then we walked the rest of the way together, I like fishy, she's cool. I wonder if she likes being called Fishy, or if she'd prefer Fiona? She doesn't seem like the kind of person that would care.

I have the death note soundtrack stuck in my head.

Latersz

Monday, December 10, 2007

If this was a movie...

I couldn't sleep last night. It was the weirdest thing. I can't remember the last time I couldn't sleep. It all started off normally, at half ten I went offline and said to Mohan that I was going to sleep, turned off the computer, locked up the house and went upstairs. I brushed my teeth and put on my pjs and got into bed and then....and then I just didn't fall asleep! It's hard to know how long to wait before it becomes obvious that you're not falling asleep you know? I lay there for about an hour, thinking about things in my head, I was pretty happy actually, I was enjoying being me, that happens every now and then and I love the feeling.

After about an hour, I started to get annoyed, tossing and turning, eventually after lying with my face in the pillow for about ten minutes, I got up and fumbled around in the dark until I found my soap bubbles. I figured that soap bubbles would relax me, because I love them and everyone knows it. Unfortunately for me, the soap bubbles are harder to blow when you've got your retainer in and for some reason taking my retainer out didn't seem like a good idea. So I blew the bubbles a bit, but I couldn't see them so great what with it still being dark.

Eventually, I got back into bed, and lay there for a bit more, but I still couldn't sleep, so I opened the curtains and stared out of the window. Man it was so windy! I can't remember the last time it was that windy. And the trees were all skeletal and the clouds were out. It was actually really bright, I was surprised. Doesn't it get dark any more? It was reeeeaaally beautiful actually. I stared out for ages, and my breath misted up the window which was annoying, and eventually I started drifting off, so I figured I could go to sleep, so I lay back down, closed the curtains etc and tried to be as quiet as possible so that I didn't wake up my mum. I STILL couldn't sleep, so I figured I would read a boring book.

Of course, the time I couldn't sleep and wanted to read a boring book would be the time that I'd had my cambridge interview and therefore didn't have anything boring that I had to read. Also I didn't need to do anymore reading for my history, so I ended up reading some poetry by Emily Dickeson, out of the book that Yasamin gave me for my birthday. It was good you know, I haven't looked at the book in a while, not since about a month after I got it, and I was rereading all my favourites. I like the short ones the best, because each word is so important, you can imagine that if you changed one word the whole thing would fall apart. Reminds me of match stick houses actually, you know, like the models made out of match sticks. If you move one matchstick they all fall down, but you know, they're only matchsticks. I was reading the one about the bed, that turns out to be a grave, that Yasamin says is her favourite. I'm not sure if I'd read it before, I'm not really into sitting down and reading through a poetry book, I prefer reading bits and pieces here and there, so I don't think I've read the whole thing before. I skimmed through it all last night, just stopping at the poems that I wanted to read or that caught my eye. It's a pretty short book though, so I finished in about half an hour. Then I decided to read "The Time Traveller's Wife" which was okay for a bit, but it didn't really grip me and I was really aware of the awkward angle I was sitting at and how small the text is. I wonder if it's one of those books that you can only read once, and after that it's not the same, because I remember really enjoying it when I read it this summer. I used to go into the garden and lie on a beach towel and read it on the few sunny days.

I think I had a look through my bookshelf, but I didn't really want to read anything, I don't think. Eventually I got sick of not working and got some chemistry revision guide out and tried to learn something from that. I think it worked, let's see...
Aldehydes and ketones can be reduced by NABH(4)...surely that can't be the only thing that I learnt. I mean I stayed up for ages, I must have learnt something else...oh, I think I learnt the mechanism for the addition of the CN- nucleophile to an aldehydes. I'm ...confused. I must have learnt more than that, but that's all I can remember. Did I learn something about esters?

I remember that Paul Runs Down Many Paths. Which is what you do to identify a carbonyl compound. You add 2,4, DNP then you get an orange precipitate. After that you Purify, Recrystallise, Dry, and compare Melting Points to those of known compounds. Ah, surely I shoud know more than this...I guess not.

Eventually the chemistry tired me out and I went to sleep. Phenol..I know things about phenol. It acts like an acid because it can donate protons, that's because the oxygen's lone pair becomes part of the delocalised system, weakening the H-O bond so it's easily lost. It just reacts normally with alkalis, forming ionic salts just like you'd expect. Nothing particularly interesting there.

It's not my fault that Mohan is spending all her time reading porn. you know she acts like I'm into weird stuff, but she's far worse. I guess I respect that she admits it. I'm surprised that no one else is weirded out though. I guess that means that everyone is a secret pervert. Everyone. that means EVERYONE.

I have chemistry next with mr kearsey. I think mr kearsey likes me, he's lofffffly. He's a nice teacher. Unfortunately nicola isn't here today so I don't know who I'm going to copy in chemistry. I'll try and copy mohan's but she's not half as obliging as Nicola. Maybe i'll just steal nicola's and read it...I wonder if anyone will notice..and or care...

Tonight, I will study chemistry. that is all.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Fannnnaaafliction

Do you know my friend Megan? So the other day, she actually went to this exhibition of that Harry Potter book, and pretended that she actually ahd enough money to take part in the auction. She's funny, that Megan. See, she's dedicated. Dedicated enough to pretend to be an aristocrat who can afford to spend hundreds and hundreds of pounds on a book.

Right so, my fingers are kinda cold, so I can't type very well. But if I sit on them and warm them up, then I wont be able to type at all. So basically we have what they call a "catch Twenty Two Situation." Maybe there could be an epic play made of out my plight. I could star in it.

See, I would really like a phone with a ringtone, I feel it would be the epitome of expression, to have my favourite something play whenever anyone calls me. Yes, I am thinking of "pump it" by the Black Eyed Peas, just to be hillarious. But I can't do that because my phone is from the dark ages where you have monotonic ringtones. Yeah you heard me. But then if I get a new phone I wouldnt' be able to use my harry potter cover and I DO LOVE MY HARRY POTTER COVER.

I've been reading too many fanfictions, so that in my life now, I feel like it must be a fanfiction, as in the actions that people do must be motivated by deep emotions such as hate or love. Unless it's a crack fic. Actually that would be my life really as a fanfic. A crackfic, where everyone's crazy and there's no plot.

Yep, that sounds about right.

So we've got my friends, and the whole situation is a bit weird to be honest. Nandi and I don't understand a thing the other says, Mushana has officially lost it, Mohan hates me, for unknown reasons, Vicky apparently likes me but I've no idea why, Fishy keeps trying to put boxes on my head and Kim is ACTUALLY STUDYING. What is this? Treachery is what it is. Anyway, it's driving me crazy and I was crazy to begin with. My head is all bouncing around between trying to be normal, and trying to figure out what my friends are on about. The whole thing just go so ridiculous. I've never been part of a big group of friends before, you see. Generally I just have one or two friends who are completely devoted to me and would do anything for me. Not that it wouldn't be mutual, but it's different to the situation that I have here.

I suppose part of the problem is that I loveeee it in my head. I'm just so fun to spend time with. Except people don't get it when I start laughing about something I said. Maybe cause it's not particularly funny. Or maybe because they think I'm thinking perverted thoughts. I'm which not. I can laugh at things that aren't perverted, you know. It's happened maybe seven or eight times in my life so far.

Hah ah. Kuukukukukukuku. That was laughter in the style of this anime character called Orochimaru. He's weeeiiird.

Oh, so you know aldehydes, if you add acidified potassium dichromate to them, then they turn from orange to green. It's a good test.

Meeep, I should learn things, but I'm really not in the mood. Not that I ever am. Maybe I'll just go back to reading some fanfics..... Laterzzz

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Icha Icha Paradise

Typinggggg like there's no tomorrow...typing up a storm, oh look olive just came in to the room, hey olive, you rock. Even though you're just a cat and you don't listen to music and you've never been to a concert. i didn't mean it like that and you know it.
So right, I should be soooo revising, Chemistry yeah, cause I have this module test in january and you know what? I KNOW NOTHING. I mean this one time, I read that benzene had three delocalised pi bonds...then I became so disgusted with life I went upstairs to see if I could hang myself. Well I didn't, but I wanted to see if there was any where that I could have hung myself. Cause I heard that if you actually wanted to kill yourself you might find it harder than you thought, what with lack of beams, throwing up after ODing, it's all pretty tough.

Oh, I had this Cambridge interview the other day and my god I messed it up. It was SO BAD I would have done anything and I mean anything to have just not been there. To have been ANYWHERE ELSE. It's a bit scary to think like that..

Man it's raining, it's been raining all night and now it's still raining! England is a wet place to live in, you know. Oh check this, olive has turned her back on me. SHE TURNED HER BACK ON ME? she thinks she's too good well I'll show her. Wth this...rubber. *throws rubber* crap I missed. Damn.

I've been wondering...what noise does a moose make? I want to say "mook" but I dont think that's right..."mook" don't seem like a noise than an animal could make.

I think I have fat cheeks. Like...a ...hamster! Yeah, what if people notice my fat cheeks and call me a hamster? I could cut the cheeks off...but I don't want to do that !!! I think I like having fat cheeks. I'm not entirely certain but that's because I'm so fickle. I've been practicing sucking my cheeks in so that I look like I have a thin face but that makes me look constipated and it's better to look like a hamster than constipated. Actually it makes me look like a starved, constipated hamster. I dont know what's going on but I think I see hamsters when I look in the mirror and I'm SURE that's not what's supposed to happen right? RIGHT?

Urg, chemistryyyy...it's so boring, all all the weird things you have to learn..I don't know how Mohan and Nicola learn all this crappp. Yeah well, I can learn crap just like everyone else. DAMN STRAIGHT, they're not leaving me behind. I'll show them that I'm not a moron..they keep calling me a moron. Actually just Mohan but I think that's just an inferiority complex because she's aware that I'm just so clever brilliant and beeeeaaautiful. Yeah, I think she's crushing on me. Can't blame her, I AM gorgeous. But she's so not my type. She should go crush on Vicky. Haha, as though Vicky would be up for that. She'd freak out so fast...

My mum bought me these dried fruit things, well I asked her to because they looked pretty, but now she's all "they were really expensive." it's like...sultanas and cranberries. It's pretty yummy I guess, but then after a while it makes your mouth feel reallllly weird, like it's numb or something...and your tongue goes all dry and shit. It's a bit strange. So I just eat little bits at a time.

Speaking of my eating habits, I've learned to unpeel an orange so that you just get one longgggg spiral of peel. Hell yes. That takes skilllllz.. Maaaaan I should study...but I reallly don't want to...Studying is so troublesome, hehe.

Laterzzz