Here goes

So I guess I owe you all a big explaination. Anyone who comes here no doubt has gone on ue, or checked their emails and knows that I've left the internet for now, burnt all my bridges and even given up my moderating job. Boy that was hard.

Except obviously I haven't done any of that yet. See I've been planning this for a while now. How would I have been able to write and send all of the emails in time? How would I have been able to write my going away speech on ue, and how would I have been able to write this, all on one day? I couldn't of course. Today, it's the 30th of December, and I'm speaking to a couple of people on msn and no one has a clue that in a few days I'm just going to put a flame to my entire internet life. Well that's a lie, I think Freshie knows and Rob suspects something is up, but no one else.

I'm so terrified.

I've spent what, two years? Building up this persona, working my way up on ue, getting friends, trying to help people, but the internet has sort of consumed my life.

Recently, you might have noticed I've been down. It's been a few months actually, maybe three. I've been sort of depressed. I've been crying alot, and some of my phobias have gotten worse. The fact of the matter is retreating into the computer hasn't been helping me at all. My life has been feeling really useless and I've been unsatisfied. Worse still I hate lying to you all the time when you ask how I am. A couple of times I've been honest, but even then you probably haven't known just how rubbish I've felt.

Anyway, I haven't been living, I've been doing nothing except for using the computer. I'm always getting in trouble with my mum and arguing with my brother because of something that's happend online.

A couple of my friends suggested I get out more, which I did, but I didn't really enjoy it because my life, my friends were on the internet. It was so pathetic, is so pathetic. I get so upset when anyone has friends over to goes out, and they leave me behind. TEW said she was going to be lonely at new years so I volunteered to stay up and talk to her. Later she said she had a friend coming over and I needn't. This tiny stupid thing upset me. The fact of the matter is, the internet didn't need me as much as I needed it.

So I am going to send out several emails, saying goodbye to particular people, I hope I don't leave anyone out. I'm going to take a step back, out of the internet and try to make things better. If I fail, I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused.

I'm going to be keeping up my blog, and my fictions, and my comic. All information about them will be posted here. If you don't hate me, and do read my blog, please comment on it. I will be answering my emails.

My feelings right now? Well, I am this close to backing out, if it weren't for the fact that everyone knows, I would. I've burnt all my bridges. There's nothing pulling me back.

Showtime.

So quiet, another wasted night, television steals the conversation

Exhale. Another wasted breath again it goes unnoticed.

So I've got lots of thoughts. I'm thinking of making a box, so that when I'm bored or when the cravings get too much I can look inside the box. I'll put loads of things in it, like jigsaws, and colouring books and yoyos. I need to learn how to knit. I might just, the possibilities are endless.

I like that idea, a little box, filled to the top with toys. Childrens toys I suppose but I'm not a child? Like a children's toychest. It'll be secret, mine, but I'll use it all the time. I'll be quiet all on my own but quiet and maybe happy.

I have so many plans! I might keep my room clean, I might write letters to strangers, I might get a pen friend. I could do anything. I plan to culivate pleasures of easily gained expiriences, like sucking on sherbet lemons and blowing soap bubbles. I'll watch the stars from the roof tops and wait while my eyes adjust to the dark.

There's so much to do..so many worlds I haven't explored yet. I'm worried that I wont be able to use my time effectively! What if I run out?

Most importantly, I'll be able to get back to the real world. My real friends, I mean I've been neglecting them really badly recently because I've just..oh I don't know. I suppose I've been in a bad mod because Iv'e been having lots of problems and things on my mind, but most of the time when you think about it, my problems are all self inflicted.

There's a part of me that doesn't want to go back, to be with my friends from school and live a proper life, but even if I don't want to socialise, I can still be happier away than I am here.

I occasionally forget why I'm doing this. I'm holding onto the thought that everything will get better. I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't.

13 days remaining.

Preparations

I'm still not sure I've made the right choice, but sometimes I wish it was the 12th and I could just get it over with. It seems so drastic. I don't want to back out now.

I'm aware I'm being stupidly vague. I don't want anyone to guess. Because it wont work if they guess. I think. I'm not sure.

I'm just babbling. People around me are so happy. I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I'm ugly and scrawny and a coward.

It's funny how I have this whole thing planned. The whole everyone ignores me thing works, no one guesses. Well maybe one person, but apart from that, out of all of my friends, you would think at least a few more people would have. But they haven't.

I should have started preparing. I need to write emails and plan a speech but I can't bring myself to do it.

I'm having a bit of a rough patch right now, lots of things are bothering me.Most are caused my the internet.

Everything will get better soon.

Deep Thinking

Well, I've been doing thinking. For a while now. Lots of thinking. It feels like lots of things have happend and I don't know which ones to trust.

I do know that things are going to change. I think. If I can. If I'm brave enough..

January 12th is the date I've set. The thing is, I don't know if I should, and I don't know if the reason I think I shouldn't is because I'm afraid. This is true. I don't want to fail. I want to be remembered.

January 12th, seems too close. But also too far. I need to make the preparations. I'm making the most of it while I can.

Sometimes

I often look around at my friends at school and think, they came in as scrawny little girls, and now they've become pretty young ladies. What the hell happend to me.



No one reads this blog. No one cares what I have to say. Not even the people that say they care about me.

Funny Thing

www.saraklaus.blogspot.com

Check it out.

Happy Midwinter from Sarah Claus

Do you know, my name is Sarah. And Santa Claus' first name is Santa. The first two letters of both of our first names are not only shockingly simillar, they are the same.

You realise, that this means you can substitute the Santa in Santa Claus, to Sarah? Therefore making a new, more special Santa Claus?

I give you Sarah Claus.

I'm like the anti-santa. I mean, I' ve made up this whole thing. I have a list of hardened criminals that I keep in my pocket. Every midwinter, I visit the criminals who have been particularly bad, and I steal their books. Yes, you read it correctly, I steal their books. And then, if they've been stealing candy from young children, perhaps babies, I pull out their hair. They wake up all like "omgwtf where is my hair?" and I am of course long gone, flying away on my ..I don't know, dogs from hell? What are they called? Huskys! Yes, that's it, huskys. I fly away on my huskys.

And why don't they wake up when I pull out their hair I hear you ask? Well, you don't wake up, when I pull out your hair, do you? And don't say you do, because if you did, then I wouldn't be able to return every other night, except wednesday because I have bingo on wednesday, and pull out some more of your hair that I add to my extensive hair collection.

And then I make a hat. Yes, Sarah Claus has a hat, made of hair. She wears this hat made of hair, and a bit trench coat, a pink trench coat. And I don't drink cocacola, I drink Dr Pepper. Take that St Nick.

Anyway, every one looooooves Santa Claus, right? Well everyone will love Sarah Claus to, but only love her, because they know that if they don't, she'sll steal all of your books, whether or not you are a hardened criminal.

What do she do with the books? Well, that's a very good question. She builds herself a magnificent fortress in the desert. You heard me. No stupid northpole crap, she lives in the desert. Damn straight she does. She lives in a fortress made of books. And when she's bored, she picks up a book and reads it! But the whole fortress doesn't fall down or anything, because it's like, when you pull a table cloth out from under lots of plates and stuff. Yes, she's that good.

And you know how Santa has all those elves to help him out with shit? Well Sarah Claus has loads of Dwarves to help her out. They don't wear stupid dresses either, they wear...robes, like in Harry Potter. Yes. Just like that.

Anyway, yes Sarah Claus is very busy all year around. Because she is planning on who to take books from, which books to take, and so on. The dwarves help her, by preparing big sacks for her to put all the books in, so that they don't like, split or something, because that would be a bummer.

Yessir it would


Next week, Cyber Punk Sarah.

Writing

Don't you hate it when you want to write something, but you don't know what? You feel like creating something, putting words into an experience, you want to make something beautiful, and you can't. There's no plot, no idea, only an urge, a desire to make something exist.

That happens to me alot. I'll be sitting in English, doodling on a spare piece of paper, and I want to write something. Sometimes there will be a small idea attached, sometimes there isn't one. Sometiems I just write anything that comes into my head, like a desciption of the room, of my self. Sometimes I write feelings, sometimes I write to myself. I don't like to waste it, the eagerness to write, I feel that if I don't somehow trap it and use it to my advantage it'll fly away, like so many times before. But I also don't want to write for nothing. Is there any point in writing a paragraph that no one will read? That has no storyline, is simply words on a page? It exists for itself and me, and is beautiful on it's own. But it doesn't finish, it's incomplete, and there is no desire within me to complete it anyway. Later on, I'll look back on it and wish I could gather the inspiration and motivation to continue it, but motivation is like happiness. When you want it you can't get it and it often crops up when you can't make any use of it.

I wonder if it is a waste, and what I ought to do with it. What would someone else in my place do when they are suddenly hit by an urge to write? Some people would write it anyway, some people would put it into whatever project that they put on hiatus months ago. I normally just ignore it. Is this is waste? The problem with writing is it's addictive.

Say that I am in school and suddenly feel like writing something, and so I do. What do I get from that lesson? I don't learn anything. But I do write something. That would be great if the writing went anywhere, if I gained from it, but I don't. When I get the writing bug it sometimes lasts for a day, sometimes for a month, but it leaves eventually. True, you can write for a while after wards, just simply going on in the hope that you can continue until it's finished, but that rarely happens. After that, it's only a matter of time before my writing dries up and turns into something I'll shove at the back of my wardrobe and leave there, hoping that I shall one day return to it. To my dismay, when I do revisit it, I find myself disgusted with the quality of my writing. Where is the description? The setting? Why is the plot line so unoriginal, where is the twists and turns that keep me hooked. It's as though someone else has written it and I hate it with a passion.

It's not always possible to write. I need precise situations which only goes to prove that I am not really a writer. Writers, I'm sure, can write whenever they want. I can't write when I have people around me. I find it difficult, to write when my brother is sitting behind me. Writing is pouring out your feelings and emotions and thoughts and quirks on to a page, it's as revealing as taking off you clothes, and I can't do it. I have no problem with showing people the finished work, but my ameteur projects? It's far too embarrasing. I can't write if I can't concentrate, I can't write when I'm listening to music. Sometimes I can only type my story straight up, sometimes I only want to scribble it down on paper. Sometimes I constanly get distracted and there's always some way for me to not write. Maybe it's making excuses, because I hate to fail again. When you are writing you get your hopes up, you start dreaming about getting published. It's not true, it never happens. Writing is one thing, finishing a project a whole new concept and getting published is not as easy as it's made out.

There are thousands of other things that you can say or do instead of writing and failling. The failing is what hurts the most. Everytime I see a story crash and burn I resolve to not start another one until I'm sure I can finish it. Each time I don't manage.

Right now, I have three projects on hiatus. Although I haven't officially stopped any of them, and I do plan to finish them, I doubt that I will end up finishing them. I've seen my friends around me somehow manage to stick with one firm story line for years, while I flit through several, developing on one here, rewriting an opening here, and inevitably not accomplishing anything.

Sometimes, it seems that the easiest thing to do is what everyone else does.

The things I do..

Feel proud of me, all of you that have spent countless msn conversations trying to persuade me to enter the real world. Feel less useless, those of you who wanted to fight my demons for me without realising quite what they are. Feel relieved, those of you who were afraid I would spend the rest of my life in front of the computer...not that anything is certain.

Yesterday, my friend mentioned to me that maybe we should go ice skating, as they have put an ice rink in the centre of town. I was a bit apprehensive, as that would mean going into town, so as usual I said nothing definite. But that's nothing new. I was somewhat surprised that my friends were still asking me to go places with them, and not just supposing that I would automatically say "I have some homework," or "I'm not feeling so good this week, maybe another time." But they seem to still have some faith, or maybe they are just not very observant. Either way, I was all set to forget about it, when my mom mention it in the car. I was mega surprised, my mother, actually trying to persuade me to go outside? It's something of a foreign concept to me. But she did, and she sort of said I should go, in a sort of, "I-suppose-if-you-really-want-to-go-and-you're-with-a-group-of-friends-and-I-don't-have-to-do-anything, way. Which is a more enthusicastic way than normal. I assured her that I didn't really want to go, and I'd prefer to stay at home, but shockingly, she seemed to want me to go.

I felt like saying "Who the hell are you and where did you put my mother?" but I didn't think she'd appreciate this kind of humour. Instead I just played it down and smiled at her.

So it looks like I might go..my friends called again and say we should go tomorrow. I'm a little worried. I mean it's going ot be the centre of Birmingham and if anyone knows even the slightest thing about me, they're likely to know that the centre of Birmingham is not on my list of places to be. Infact I recall that it's high on my list of places that I would really rather not visit unless there is no other choice because I don't like being there at all and just thinking about it make me nauseous. I'm not going to go into the whole why I don't like it, or what scares me about it so much, because I doubt anyone wants to read that, nor am I willing to divulge that information even if they did. Somethings are personal.

I was still a bit iffy, but I mentioned it to Jo, and she sort of wanted me to go. Well, "sort of wanted me to go," is a little bit of an understatement. She did say that if I went it could be considered a Christmas present for her. This sort of thing pushed me over the edge. I haven't been able to think of anything to get her for absolutely ages, and so I thought, if she really wants me to go, maybe I should.

The point is, I do alot of things for my friends. If I know that they really need something I'll give it to them, if I know they really want something, I'll get it for them. I might be violatile, and dishonest, but I try to do what's best. My online friends make this difficult. What can you do for someone across the internet? It's a bit difficult, especially when it comes to things like their birthdays or christmas. I've been through everything, from writing poems and drawing pictures to simply saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" on the mic. But I know, that whatever I get them, yes it shows that I care, but do they really want it? Is it of any value to them? No. I don't think so. And I never like giving gifts if they aren't going to be used. What on earth is the point of thos bath salts I get from my birthday, when I don't have a bath? Why do people insist on giving me point romances, because they know I like books. Sometimes an unwanted gift is worse than no gift at all, what's the point of giving unless it's something worthwhile. You might as well just give someone a hug to show you care if you want to take the "it's-the-thought-that-counts" point of view.

So, if going skating will really make Jozina happy, then I suppose I'll do it. And not just for her, alot of people might be happy to hear I'm going out of the house, even if it's just once in the entire holiday. It's a start I suppose.


P.S. Who is it that keeps commenting? I don't mind, heck, it's fun to see that someone's reading, but there is a fine line between stalking and appreciating, and leaving your name makes it just a little clearer. If you don't leave your name, I suppose you do get to be all mysterious like Xena, Warrior Princess. Unless of course her real name was Xena. But I doubt that. Why the heck would anyone call their daughter Xena?

Blink and You'll Miss It

So yesterday when I was on webcam with Dillie, she said that I looked older. Now I do a very good impression of a six year old, I must say. I kid, I kid. I look about 14. And I'm nearly 16, so really, I look alot younger than I really am, but she said that I was getting older.

So being me, I spent a bit of time staring at myself in the mirror, and you know what I realised? I am getting older. I'm growing out of my baby face, and I'm loosing the whole roundness thing. Sometimes I even look 16!

The thing that's a bit weird, is that until she mentioned it to me I didn't even consider the fact that I might be finally growing out of my childlish looks. I suppose I've just gotten use to it, because it's been like this for so long. I mean, I haven't changed since..well since I was about 11. That's a long time to stay the same. So when Madeline mentioned it yesterday, I took it for granted that she was kidding. Then I went upstairs and had a look in the mirror. It's true. My face is changing, it's gone more heart shaped than circular, and my nose is sort of...straighter. Inface, I look like one day I might just be an adult.

This is a difficult thing to get my mind around. Especially because I quite like the changes. I am torn between longing to stay a child, curiosity to see what I end up looking like, and a painful desire to pause time.

All this is futile of course, as I have no control over how I end up looking, and time will go on inevitably. I wonder when I'll peak, when I'll look my best. I wonder if I want to know. If I don't maybe I can pretend that I am still growing, and that all growing girls get wrinkles. I doubt this very much. I supose I shouldn't be worrying about that sort of thing. I should be worrying about exams. What's the point really though? It's not like it'll help to worry, unless I actually revise because I get so worried, and that is unlikely is it not?

It still irks me, that I'm changing and that not only did I not notice it, but there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know the rules of this odd game, when will I stop? How will I know what the finished product is? What if I suddenly look in the mirror and see someone else?

I don't suppose it's my job. Someone else can do it.

Gifted

Note to self. Megz singing OCADO ocado.com is the cutest thing I have ever heard in quite a long time.

Knitting is a heckofalot harder than it looks. I thought, as usual that I'd be making scarfs by...well now. But I can't do the simplest thing. I suppose that's what everything is like. I mean nothing is just natural.

It's funny, because one of the most common teenage obsessions is trying to find your hidden talent. Like you always think there's something that you are a natural at. I suppose the desire comes from seeing others around you who are good at things. Like natural musicians or artist. But then, here's the funniest thing, very few people are actually natrually talented. Any talents that people have come from practicing. It's like everything else, you have to put in lots of work and effort, before you can reap the benefits and the rewards of being good at soemthing. The problem is, when you realise that you aren't going to pick up a harp and be able to play like a pro, you normally loose interest. It takes a very interesting and determined type of person to persevere after they've failed. Sadly, I am not one of those people.

Instead, I still try everything I can, in the hope that I will find something that's easy for me. Some hidden talent tha has laid dormant for years, only to suddenly surface. The thing is, my choices are runnning thin. I posses no unnatural talents in anything musical, nor drawing, scultping or anything that falls into that category. I can't play sports all that great, the only thing I'm good at is dodgeball..and I'm good at the dodgeing part. I'm not particularly strong, or good at cooking, I can type pretty fast, but so can everyone else. I'm not like, the smartest person in the year, I don't have a talent for modern languages. I am not good at constructing buildings or entertaining children.

Infact, the only thing I'm half good at is lying. And isn't everyone?

*Hysterical Laugh*

*Creeps onto the computer*

Shhhh, I'm not online.


*Giggle*


Ok, I'm online, when I said that I was going to try and make something of my life, or something like that. I vaguely recall that the conversation blamed my lack of ...anything on my excess of internet.

Infact, I am expanding my horizons, I've rented all three LotR films and plan to watch them all during the holiday. I have also taken out a selection of books, including "Looking for JJ" and "The Lovely Bones" which I hope to read. If this does not entertain me I can learn some of the spanish vocab that I got off the AQA website. Taht should set me up nicely for my exams.

Once I've done all of this, I'm going to take up knitting.


Seriously, it's occurred to me that there is very little cooler in the world than knitting. It's so ironic. So I'm going to learn how knit, then sit in the library at lunchtime and knit. I'll try to keep a straight face, but it's going to be so funny!

Speaking of which I have decided that next non uniform day, I'm going to wear my uniform, but still give the money! It's going to be hillarious! I don't think anyone will get it though.

I shoudl really stop lying, but I'm so good at it! That's not a good thing. Yes.

At least I'm upbeat today. That's because I'm slightly hysterical. I might burst into tears, or burst out laughing at any moment. I think it's best if I do nothing.

I am actually feeling a little crazy today, I might be sick actually. This isn't very good for me, I mean, I might snap at ay moment. That would not be good.

The internet bores me, but I can't find the will to log off. What else is there for me to do? Nothing as usual. A big fat blob of nothing.


The next person who asks me why I don't go out much dies.

When there's nothing left to burn you must set yourself on fire

So when everyone leaves you, at least you'll still have yourself to confide it. The point is you have to make yourself someone that you want to confide in. When there's no one else to talk to you can always talk to yourself, if you want to. It takes a collosal amount of energy to talk yourself into any kind of sensible conversation. You can have a stupid conversation, but to create another person in your mind, to see them, and have them think something else to what you think, it's a very difficult thing to hold in your mind. Creating an imaginary friend is an even harder feat, you have to create someone from scratch. At least when you speak to yourself, you have yourself to start with, and you can just change certain aspects. And yet as children we all had imaginary friends, or claimed to. Whether or not we really did, we probably wont ever know. But why waws it so easy then? Surely we were children we had limited brain capacity. Did we cheat? Did we really just pretend to have an imaginary friend? The pit is bottomless as you can never, with complete certainty, relate something that occured as a child.

So the question I'm asking myself right now, is that have I lost something that I had when I was a child? I know I've lost my innocence, well that just happens, but did I loose my imagination? I mean, I have a pretty vivid imagination for someone my age, I can make up wonderful stories to get me out of trouble, and I can make up wonderful things to take my mind of other things. But then if this is true, when why do I find it so difficult to sustain another person in my mind? Maybe it's because I need the space in my mind to grow my own personality, there's just not room for two separate personalities in there. That's true enough, but surely I should be able to summon the strenght to keep a secondary character for a few minutes. Maybe I just lack the will power. That's worrying. It means that I don't see the point. Now I think of it I don't. I feel as though I've lost something that I ought to have had, I'm on the edge of a cliff.

I was able to thin of amazing things when I was younger, but I would hope that my imagination has refined itself so that I don't come up with ridiculous ideas that wouldn't work. So in refining, did I skim off some of the importants skills? Should I still be writing about mice turning into humans and dogs looking for balloons? I don't think so, but if it means that in that state of mind, I was able to concentrate on a wider spectrum and keep more ideas in my head at the same time, maybe I should have stayed like that.

It doesn't really matter though, because it's not as though I could go back, and if I did I don't think that anyone who reads my stories would appreciate it. I suppose that as my style of imagination to fiction changes, my thoughts change with it, and my ideas become more disciplinednm. It's entirely likely that this is good for writing and that all good writers have lost some of naive childish prose, but in the end they gained.

The fact that I can't conjour anyone in my mind except for me could reflect on anything. Maybe it's just that I've had a change in lifestyle, or a trail of thoughts has finally finished and I have' come to a new conclusion.

The most depressing thing is when you spend days, hours of you life moulding yourself a creation, maybe based on fiction, maybe based on fantasy, only to find you can sustain it for mere hours. Is it work it? And then the lonliness that comes after you've lost a friend that always knew how you felt.

Being a teenager isn't fun. You go through all these changes and it's not original in the least. You're exactly like everyone else, and yet you always want to stay apart. It's like we're all in a fog, and we're near a cliff, but we don't want to call out to each other, because we don't know if it would be so bad if we fell off.

They say that adolescances is an age of madness. I don't disagree. The worst part is you know you're mad, and you like it.

At least when you're all alone, you can talk to yourself.

Lipgloss and Yield Signs

There are problems, when your hair forms a triangle after you wash it. When you step out of the shower, and after giving it a once over with the hair drier, it vaguely resembles a slightly wavey egyptian pyramid.

So obviously I straighten it. I wouldn't do it if I thought it was damaging my hair, but it just can't be, because I have so much hair it wouldn't matter if it did.

Once you have the perfect hair, it's inevitable that you will have to find the perfect lipgloss. Whether or not you wear makeup, you should always, as appropriate, wear either lip gloss, or eyeliner. In this way, you can manage to look decent and tidy, withotu looking slutty. On suitable occasions, such as visiting the king, light foundation also might be applied.

A common problem is when a stray wind blows your perfect hair into your perfect lipgloss, which by nature is exceedingly sticky. Then you not only get a dollop of lip gloss in your perfect hair, but in some dire situations, you may end up with a clump of not so perfect hair leading to a not so perfect appearance. The solution to this common problem, is of course to keep your hair cut in a fashionable bob, leaving no strands long enough to reach your lips. Other, more natural methods include tilting your face sky ward, and blowing any strands that dare to enter within 3 cms of your lips. Unfortunately, there are always side affects. The former might cause neck problems, the latter might cause you to resemble a blowfish.

One of the greatest problems in life, is that no one knows enough about protocol. I imagine that if every household had a big book of easy access protocol guidelines, everything would be alot easier.
Think about it.
You'd never have to worry about being over dressed, or under dressed, you'd know whether it was rude to serve someone when they had already pointed out that they didn't want to be served.
The latter became something of a problem for me today.
I wont go into detail about who our guests were, sufice to say they arrived at an awkward time, when my mother was out, and due to our relationship, I was unable to entertain them. This lead to much problems, as they wanted to speak to my brother. My brother and I get on very well, and we make a good team when we speak to people, he provides the intellectual comements and I provide the comfortable small talk. In this way, we manage to charm most people. Unfortunately, when left alone, both of us make mistakes. I tend to go overboard, make inappropriate jokes and basically chatter about anything, and he tends to mutter, murmur and generally retreat into himself.

The question that arose, is that what do I serve. My mother wasn't at home, which led me to the task of being the hostess. I had already asked, and they had said they didn't want anything, but even if they didn't really want anything, it would be inhospitable if I didn't present them with something. Failing that, at least it would give them something to do, and stop my brother from being completely at a loss. But what to give them. They had already pointed out that they didn't want tea, so therefore giving them tea would qualify as a stupid thing to do, and possibly, they might take it as an insult. Tea was out of the question. Could I just present them with some water? But that was too bland. I couldn't just give them water, I might as well not give them anything at all. I decided that fruit juice was a good idea, but what kind? I supposed that mango juice might be a bit pretencious, and we didn't have much else, so I settled for good old orange juice. I had to open a new carton, else they would have had to drink that pulpy bit at the bottom, but I think it was the right idea. Now a new problem threatend to stop me in my tracks. As there were only two guests, and so therefore only two glasses of orange juice, how would I serve it. I could simply hold the glasses and go in, but that would be a little gaunche. Therefore I produced a tray, and after covering it with a doily, I placed the two glasses there. That was all fine and dandy, but it pointed out that it was a bit of a waste to get the tray out if I was only going to put two glasses on it. And even so, I could hardly give them a drink and no food. Food was another tricky issue. I couldn't fry them anything, and I doubted they wanted anything fried anyway, it would be far too heavy. I could give them chocolate, but what if they suffered from diabeties, or were simply dieting? It would certainly lead to awkward questions and therefore I avoided it. Biscuits maybe, but it had to be the right kind. In the end, I hit gold, and decided to give them a few dates on a plate.

After putting all of this on the tray, and balancing it quite well I thought, I presented it to the company, and left the room. Although they only ate one date, and probably only finished their drinks out of politeness, the fact remains that I had fufilled my duty and the host, and therefore I felt rather proud of my achievements.

Rather than tidy up the mess that my rather haste preparations had caused, in true teenage style I decided to leave it for my mother. Although now, rethinking that idea, as I w ill probably end up tidying it away anyway, and would recieve more credit if I were to do it without being asked. After much contemplation I have decided that maybe I should tidy it away. I'll do it in just a minute.

Today, another one.

What did I do today? Nothing. As I'm sure you wel know. I never do anything. I rarely leave the house, and when I do it's not to do anything interesting, nothing anyone else in my situation would to, and if it isn't it's only because they avoid embarking on such dull endevours.
I managed to completely blow minal off today, when she suggested meeting up in the holidays. I don't know why. I just did. I don't want to go and I don't know why. It's my fault.

I wrapped up my presents for my friends today, I can't wrap anything. I wrote their cards. My handwriting was barely legible. I bet they'll think I didn't put any effort in, but I did. I don't know why I couldn't write neatly, or use a bit more selotape. I bet their presents for me will be beautifully wrapped.

Mum suggested I take a friend to centre parks. I couldn't think of anyone I would take. My school friends would all get annoyed with me within a day, I'm constantly arguing with my friends from the circle, and I'm not surprised, I'm such a moody cow I'm shocked they don't just slap me. Even if I could take my internet friends I wouldn't. It's obvious that most of them don't like me. The conversations are so weak. I know they are getting bored of my whining all the time, and I have to stop, but I can't help it. I can help it. I'm just being selfish. I should be more cheerful. I bet in real life, they wouldn't be able to deal with say, ten minutes of my company. They'd be so bored and wish they'd never suggested a meet up.

Rob mentioned that I would be missing out on meeting him, Geo and Laura. I felt so bad that I didn't care. I'm not missing out, and they certainly aren't either. Everyone wins.

Adam and Meag are going out, that deserves a mention. I'm horribly jealous, because all Adam does is talk about Meag, but I suppose this is how he felt about Rob, but worse, because he liked me, and I only like him as a mother. Yes, he's my adopted son. Meag is super pretty. She has lovely blonde hair and a cute face. My hair is triangle shaped.

I have to go and play squash tomorrow, it's not going to be the most fun ever. I don't know. Knowing me I'll be really grumpy and argue with Kat, that'll just make everything perfect.

Actually, there is no actual arguing, just a ton of hard feelings and swallowing acid on my part. Because if I don't no one else will.

I'm on this new forum, full of like 24 year olds. That's me, in 8 years. How depressing. I almost hope someone shoots me. Almost. Maybe tomorrow I'll get hit by a car. I wonder what Ue will think. I hope they care. But they wont I suppose. No one on Ue even knows me any more. It's my own fault for not keeping up with the new members but I can't bear it.

That's all for now I think. Any more and I'll depress myself even more than I already have. Love and Peaches.

Ten Secret Facts About Me

They did this on Ue, but I was too shy to do it properly.

1. I'm shallow, but I hate it when other people are shallow.
2. I'm a snob, but I call snobbish people stuck up.
3. I yell at people when I get annoyed with them, instead of trying to work out why they are like they are.
4. I constantly blow off my friends invitations to feed my fears.
5. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy.
6. I feel like an idiot writing this, because any problems with my are self inflicted.
7. I'm constantly all dressed up with no where to go.
8. I hate offloading on my friends, because if I do, I think they'll dump me for someone cheerful.
9. I think crying is weak, but I cried in front of my whole class when we watched "of Mice and Men"
10. I hope no one reads this.

Attack of the guilt

So I felt pretty guilty for not updating my blog, what with the few people who do read it. Goodness knows why, nothing ever happens to me, and nor do I have any insights like some.
For example, Megz does loads, Luke goes to parties all the time, Dillie has all these thoughts, and I just sit here typing into a forum where no on knows the first thing about me.

It's all really quite weird when you think about it, that they would be interested in anything that little of me would have to say.


Now, some other weird things.

I'm going to be 16 soon. Not so soon I should start freaking out, but soon enough for me to start writing ballads to my carefree years. Although, I never really had carefree days after I hit 13, and some mean girl at school told me what sex really was. God, who can be carefree with that hanging over them? I don't know, I sometimes roll in my bed, cursing that girl. Is she fictional? Will you ever know?

I love reading fantasy. I am well aware that it's rubbish and that I should spend my time in more profitable endevours, but I still love to pick up a tamora pierce book and then sift through it for a few hours. I like it I suppose, because it's escapsim. Television, movies, books and the internet give me a nice steady diet of escapism and I couldn't do without it. Even when I'm dried of my normal addiction, by running out of literature, or being banned from the net, I sit in my house and day dream, or better yet, really dream. Dreaming is the best. Sometimes I wish I could sleep forever. When I die, I hope it's like that, just sleeping.

I've got to think about my future whatever the hell that's going to be. I mean I have to choose my A Level subjects, which is a whole big important thing, but I dont really know what I'm going to choose, and if I do, to what end. I don't have an aim yet. And what makes the whole situation worse? Everything I worry about, has been done before. Countless students have wailed about not knowing what their calling is. My lack of originality is applaing. Why can't I think of anything better? I don't know. I blame myself. It's not my fault.

I did fairly well on my mocks. All A's and A*s so long as you don't count my B in PE and who the hell would anyway. I see no reason for it to spoil my fun, PE sucks anyway. If I go up a grade in everything, I shall be a very happy bunny. I'm sort of afraid to dream. Too good to be true really.

I'm looking forward to my post sixteen evening. For those of you unfammillar, it's where they talk about what I'll do after I'm sixteen. I have to apply to sixth forms, and I have to find out my predicted grades. My predicted grades are going to kick ass. Call me evil, I want to beat Squizzymick.

No one in my history class knows what Hyper inflation is except me. How stupid is that. It's not rocket science. I probably should tone down the whole arrogance thing. What with the not shopping at Asda, looking down in anyone who plays sport, and staying inside the house all day, I really shouldn't be making fun of the people in my history class. Hyper Inflation is a really difficult concept to grasp. *Snort* Yeah right.

HALLO

Due to popular demand, my blog is BACK. And cooler than ever. Sort of. Ok not really. At all. In any way, shape or form.
Good news, this year, we are going to have lots of freaking out!! Hurray!
Bad news, this year we are going to have lots of FREAKINGOUT! NOOOOOOOOOOOo

So this weekend was eid. A very coool eid it was. Chances are, if you are reading this, then you know all about my antics, but to condense.
Friday night, party. 12 people, piggybacks, human pyramids, hide and seek, etc.
Friday night, sleepover. 3 people, mad babies.
Saturday morning, breakfast! 3 people, mad babies, lots of fooding
Saturday evening, dinner. 7 people, nice food, the ring two, mad babies, fireworks
Saturday night, sleeping. I AM NEVER WATCHING THE RING TWO AGAIN
Sunday all day, party. 100 people? Lord mayor, lots of bling, cool food, running around.l

And that brings me up to now! Hurray. Sadly, I have school tomorrow, and my mocks are imminant! I want to do super well as usual. Hmph. Chemistry test on tuesday. Arg. Lots to do! Ah well, I'll do it late at night. That's what being in year eleven is all about no?

Food Diary

To be different, I have done a food diary for today

For breakfast, I had Nesquik cereal, with orange juice
I went bowling, but was hungry so I got fish and chips from wiimpy
Then we finished bowling, and I had a buffet, so that was, a burger, a kebab, some rice, salad, chips and a bit of lamb I think, I'm really not sure.
Then my mom dragged me away, so we went to this person's house and ate some nice cakes.
Then I went home, and ate a yorkie. THEN I had a necterine.
I just ate that.
It was so good.

Same Old Same Old

Ok, today, I am really going to try to put a bit of myself into the blog entry, I'm going to try to be personal. Oh who am I kidding? I'm going to write the same sort of crap I always do.
Yes. So tody, I'm battling a cold. I think I'm holding my own a bit today. I mean, I can't believe I'm getting a cold, the second of the summer! I'm drinking hot beverages, and sleeping alot. I'm gong to sleep in a bit, and am about to have a coffee.

Urg, this always happens. I can't be bothered to finish. So who cares

Oh, Hi to Megz, who is sexy.

About Pies

I'm quite hungry this morning. I just had a pie. I'd like to have another pie, I have about five pies. I've just eaten a pie. It was very nice. I get my pies from the pie shop. It's rather close to my house. I go there every day, sometimes twice a day. Once, there was this time I didn't even leave the pie shop! I just kept buying pies all day long! Sometimes I get the pies delivered, but that cost extra money, and I could use that money to buy pies. Gawd I love that pie shop. I have to go now. I need to get something to eat. Maybe grab a pie. Whoa, I'm out of pies, I had better go to the pie shop. Toodles.

Um

I think I went a bit mad on my rage there. Appologies to all.

Soooo ORANGE

So todays, I dyed my hair. But itw as not alone of course. I had two trusted friends who did it. I wasn't really going tod o it today, because I suddenly decided I liked my hair, but then I thought, oh screw it I might as well.
Riaz and mom were out today, they were with the neighbours at Riaz's new accomodation.
Damnination, I just remembered that tomorrow MR Stupid SMITH has to come around and teach me stupid math.


Math is STUPID by the way. Just incase you hadn't picked up on that angle, I REFUSE TO DO WORK YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DARN YOU MR SMITH .

Good Morning Sunnnshine

Heylo everybody. Today is a good day. A bit of a boring day, but a good day because I am feeling HAPPY.

My brother wnats to know ifI am blogging so I said that I totally am.

Oho, some people have come around. my mom's friends. They have two children, I am going to frolic barefoot with them in the garden. I'll update properly later.

A Post for Adam

Lookie here! It's a whole entry for my buddy Adam. He's a little depressed right now. Then again, he always is! But be serious for a moment folks, this here comment is for Adam to feel happy, and to realise that I am not infact a murderer who is just posing as a little girl from Birmingham. I am in fact, a real girl from Birmingham. I know the fact that I often carry around sharp implements which appear to be coated in a red liquid have led several of you to wonder about my true identity, but be assured, the implements are blunted! And the red liquid is jam! Because I like eating my jam off sharp knives and the suchlike.


So now we have sorted that out, let's try and get Adam to be all happy.
Reasons to be Cheerful.
Life is fun! You should make the most of it. Just because the only way you can speak to super cool people like myself is by being on the internet, doesn't mean your life is sad, it means you are lucky, because you have a way to speak to said super cool people. Imagine some people, who may go their entire lives without so much as glancing at said super cool people. Believe it or not, some people will be this unlucky. Fortunately for you, you are not one of these people! You are Lucky Lucky Lucky.
Why else should you be cheerful. You should be cheerful because it's a good thing to be a hopeless romantic. Girls LIKE hopeless romantics, they do indeed.

Also, you should be happy that you live with Apes. Because this means you get to feel smarter than everyone else, everyday. And the chances are when you grow up someone who was a jerk to you now, will work for you! Hurray! Another reason to be happy

You should also be happy because your mom isn't constantly nagging you to get off the computer. GRAH. If she doesn't want to hurt her eyes, then SHE shouldn't use the computer.


That was a little offtopic. Basically, Adam should be happy and nice and everything. I'm going to put a bit of blogging here at the bottom. I'm missing Rob who is in Canada for unknown reasons...Luke is arguing with Jess which is a bummer. Jess is stressed. Anyway, talking to Tal who may read this so...yes, hello Tal. Sun's coming out i think. But it could be a lie.

For Minal Part Two

So Anyway, it's just this day we had ages ago. Back when you didn't worry so much, but you did worry about things that didn't matter. We'd been planning this thing for a while, even though it's more fun to do things spur of the moment, our parents weren't the kinds who would be enthusiastic about "Spur of the Moment" Activities. They liked to plan everything out, to the last detail, and if possible, cancel it because it's a) Too much trouble b)Too expensive c) Too much of a waste of time.

But we'd planned, and planned, and rescheduled. And now we were ready for our trip. We'd planned a trip to stratford, it was a cute place, and we'd wanted to go for a while. The plan was that we'd go there, and then we'd have a picnic, walk around, then my mom would drive us back. It had taken absolutely ages, because when I'd first asked my mom about it, she'd given me that "I Hope You Aren't Expecting This To Work Because You Know How Busy I Am" look, but I was having none of it. I was fed up of my mom being the only mom who couldn't take her daughter anywhere, which she totally is. So we arranged it so that Minal's mom would take us, drop us off, then my mom would pick us up.

For Minal...

I'm not going to write a whole long story or any crap like that, partly because the sequence of events I'm about to relate don't end up as a story, there's no moral and no adventure and no climax to speak of. It's just something that happend to me one summer, when life wasn't so boring and the world wasn't so cold

ZzZzZzZzZ

Sigh, Ue is SO slow today. Just about no one is on. Possibly the most boring thing ever doncha know. I hate it when that happens. The problem is, that everyone seems to do things in their summer holidays. It's not really very summery, so not really summery enough to be doing anything anyway, but what I mean is, people are busy. Laura isn't online which is awful cause I really really want to talk to her. Jo is still in america which is dead evil. I wish she would come back! It's quite odd, Jo and I get on very well, I haven't got on so well with someone since, well since Laura. But Laura is always busy now, or she's at Luke's or she's with Luke. It's pretty much all the same thing.
At least this is giving me an oppurtunity to talk to more people. I now talk to Megz, Violet18, and SnicketChicket, even though I don't talk to them that much, some of them are really cool.
I started up my competition thing on Ue, and itlooks like it would be ok. At least it gives me a little something to do, as there isn't that many places to post on Ue right now.

Apparently, while I was away there was a huge blip and a whole lot of chaos. I feel bad that I wasn't there to sort it out, but I guesss it wasn't my fault, be being on a different continent to my computer.

I am wearing my "delilah" outfit for fun, because you know, it's fun. Riaz will probably come back and sigh at me, because I am wearing my Delilah outfit, but I like it so there.

Dillie finished my family's website, it's so cool! Alex and John both think so, and Alex and John rarely think that things are cool, so that's something of an achievement.

I think I maybe slightly addicted to hairspray. Speaking of which, I need to buy some more.

Today, I was hungry, so I ate the only ripe necterine, but then I was still hungry so I put the second necterine in the sun to ripen, while I at the first. Once I had finished the first, I was able to eat the second, do you see how that works?

I finally am eating some decent food. My mom and brother still aren't home yet, I made myself a burger and chips, but I couldn't find a bun so sadly, just with ketchup. The burger is very hot and I feel bad that I am eating fast food because even though I wont put on weight, I will still get spots and spots are evil. I must drink alot of water later. Lots and lots. See, I will, I will!

Cuddles is doing a crazy competition called the "Munchable Member of the Month" Which is cool, but I invented the name. I'm helping too! I voted for fricky cause she was feeling icky. That rhymes.

I take absolutely ages to write my blog entry you know. It's like those history essays, I do them just before I go to bed, but I start them as soon as I get home from school. Man this burger is spicy I need more water. And ketchup for my chips.

Laterz.

Copy Cat

I'm going to copy Rob and do one of those things where you describe people you know.

Kat: She's mad. And no doubt she'll take over the world. Starting with Russia.

Kim: She's so cool. And she has killer fashion sense doncha know?

Rob: I dreamt about him TWICE in a WEEK. Which must be a total new record or something. He's cool, from LONDON. But he doesn't HIYAH! when he Karatays D:

Rachel: She has such long hair. It's long I tells you.

Leonard: You smell

Laura: Where are you Laura? WHERE?

Madeline: You don't pronounce the E. It's not french. Anyone would know that.

Frickative: She doesn't really have myleen in the cellar. It's the wardrobe.

Nevermore: Ah, we both lost our minds at around the same time.

Luke: He should get himself a girlfriend

Matt: Is a cat.

Jozina: I miss her cause she is in the america.

Being Ill, Take Two

For you avid, avid readers, you may have noticed that this is the second time since the begining of my blog that I have been ill. No doubt you are lamenting my status as you read this sad sad report of my unwellbeing, but fear not, I am hopefully on the mend.
For those of you unfamilliar with the sequence of events, let me bring you up to date.
On the 21/07/05 at approximately 0430 hours, I awoke with a blocked nose. After attempting to unblock it and failing, I returned to sweet sweet slumber.
On the 21/07/05 at approximately 0715 hours, I awoke for the second time and found my nose blocked and my throat sore. I dressed and made ready for school anyway
On the 21/07/05 at approximately 0925 hours, I found myself completely exhausted and was semi concious from this time to lunchtime
On the 21/07/05 at approximately 1225 hours, I ate my lunch and was tempararily reviatlised.
On the 21/07/05 at approximately 1350 hours, The reviatalisation wore off and I sunk into another semi concious stupor in which I vaguely remember having math and yelling at Aishwaryia.
On the 21/07/05 at approximately 1535 hours, I had to go into Sutton to buy mom a present. I found a nice moisturisaion kit, and decided to come back the next day for cake, flowers and card.
On the 21/07/05 at approximately 1710 hours I returned home to my mother. I went to sleep a couple of times before finally waking up and going on the computer.
On the 21/07/05 at approximately 2130 hours, I left the computer and went to bed. I had a fitful rest and awoke several times from crazy
On the 22/07/05 at approximately 0430 hours, I awoke, feeling dry and sore and unable to speak very well at all.
On the 22/07/05 at approximately 0735 hours, I awoke, feeling alrightish, surprisingly awake, but with a blocked nose. I attempted to go to school, but was foiled my my mother.
On the 22/07/05 at approximately 0800 hours I slept fitfully for two hours and dreamed that I was getting married..
On the 22/07/05 at approximately 1000 hours, I awoke, and felt a little sick. I called for my brother to get me some ricicles. After eating the Ricicles I felt alright, but still a bit sick. I tried to go to sleep and failed.
On the 22/07/05 at approximately 1150 hours, I spoke a little to my brother and read a bit of a book, but still felt sick. I tried to sleep, but was unable. I finally waddled to the toilet and of course threw up.

Work Expirience

Work expirience has been such a blast. I mean I could totally start working. I figure you hardly do much.
Last week I was at the Library, I kept thinking some internet dood might come and meet me, and he totally didn't! I was utterly devastated. Only because I had stayed on counter just incase, and so I had to spend the next morning in the back room unloading books which actually meant rading books so maybe I didn't get off so badly after all.
I really would like to work at the library, it's a really nice place. The problem is you see all these things, books on poetry, books on travel, and then good old fiction. Then you really want to read it, but you can't because you are working and then you think you will come back later and rad it but you never do and you end up pining away for them.
Ottakers was fun, I kept coming in late and Tim totally didn't care. I mean I did a very good job of dodging in and out of the book shelves I think, so as to not be seen but then I did get seen just as I was going into the staff room, so I was pretty much busted.

I always mess up. I always do.

My morals, my poor, drowned morals.

Sleep..

So..tired. Not in the sleeping way, in the exhausted way.

I hate that, you are lying there in your bed doing the yoga breathing crap and you can't sleep. I really need to wake up early tomorrow and do my spanish. Because I should be doing it now, but that's just a joke. Yeah. Like I'm going to actually do homework. Why are you all glaring at me like I should be doing something really obvious? God, you people. Anyways. So Nancy and her Mullet are reallllllly pissing me off. I don't recall why. I am being mean to Nancy, she was only a leetle mean to me at the start of the year, then again I bet she'd be near unbearable if it wasn't for Denise.

Rock on Denise.

Denise broke her toe at download. I can only imagine.

She was in a state of ecstacy, wavering between conciousness and sleep, seeing bright lights and hearing laugher, not comprehending and not caring. Listening to the steady beat of the music, sometimes louder, sometimes quieter, it didn't matter. Pushing her way through people, some friendly, fammilar, some not. Jumping, tightly pressed in the crowd, dust spirally around her in a mini tornado, jumping higher and higher, her heart in her mouth, beating wildly, until suddenly she falls down to earth with a sharp "crack."

Talk about over romancing your point.

To sum up she had fun :0 I mean Denise's idea of fun is very different to my idea of sitting around a jigsaw puzzle on a warm summer evening drinking Canada dry.

Darn, that sounds good.

*Drools ever so slightly by accident*

The script is going well, damn, I have english tomorrow and probably have to do my bloody presentation which is so not done, but I can't be arsed to get it together so it shan't ever get done.

Stupid Mrs Parks, I would take an Essay any day over stupid presentation.

Lucky Monique says: "Tomorrow I am going to be ill" So bascially she is a big fat skivery! Except without the fatness. Double the skiving and reduce the fatness et voila! Monique!

I accidentaly shrieked at Miss Bennet today, she was around, and rachel went "There's Miss Bennet" and I just screamed "WHERE?" for no apparent reason..Then I didn't hear a word she said which was mundo embarrasing. I rarely embarrass myself, but today I did.

The Truth about AMERICA

Another day at school!
I had such an awesome conversation with the Dilster yesterday, it was so funny. Probably one that will go down in history and that we will talk about for many years to come.
We started to wonder what we actually liked about UE, I mean the people suck, the threads suck and yet we go back everyday. I guess it’s because we still have some friends there, and we still have a couple of threads that we always post in.
Get this, she says I am popular on UE! Hah. If anyone’s popular it’s her. I mean everyone respects her, and when she says something they always listen. I bet she’s really really smart. I mean obviously, but even smarter than that, she has such cool hobbies! Imagine, Curling! I’ve never tried it myself, but I’m sure it would be fun. We decided to try and have another convesation today, and hopefully the day after. Maybe even everyday this week!
She is the only person I can have a proper conversation with, Laura’s great and all, but on audio she kinda freezes up. The only other person I know who has a mic is Luke, and the conversation tends to fall apart.
If nothing else, I should at least become well learnt in the arts of Americans. I found out all about nickels, dimes and quarters. I also discovered that in America you only have three years of high school, freshman, sophomore, and junior. A lot of things finally make sense. Like the Meg Cabot books for one thing.
Dillums has the best accent, it’s so awesome, I’m totally jealous. Mine sounds rubbish next to hers. It’s all plain and dull, not even a little posh to give it some life, not like Luke’s. He is a little poser, I asked him for some pictures, and his pout was probably on par, if not better than Mementos. And that is something.
Anyway, then I tried to join the ugly club, and they wouldn’t let me. Fair enough, I guess I’m not ugly, but that’s no reason to keep me out of a club! And Then Luke had the audacity to say "She knows she’s not ugly, she just likes the compliments" Can you believe him!! Terrible. Terrible.
I pointed out that he likes posing so much more than me, and that he forced me to tell him how much better his hair was than mats, and then how much better it was to Kat. If that isn’t being conceited I don’t know what is.
I did my history essay in record timing, despite certain people distracting me. Shakes fist
Anyway, I managed to get it done in like, quarter of an hour, in time for me to go to bed at 11. Of course Rob had other plans. I was all in my pjs, and ready to get into bed, when my phone rings and of course, Bob doesn’t want me to sleep. He wants me to be awake all the time forever and ever and ever and then for a bit longer.
We worked on my accent a bit, until I eventually begged him to let me go to sleep. Thankfully he went to sleep too and all was well.
Until I had to wake up 6 hours later. And Silly silly minal forgot my history essay, which my stupid printer refused to print for reasons unknown. Anyway, I had to go on the computer and put it on my floppy. All very traumatic may I add.
I gave my essay to Zareen so she can do hers. I don’t know what that girl would do without me. Just as well she doesn’t have to. Anyway, if she doesn’t give it back I will be so mad I may just explode. It’s definitely a possibility.
Minal’s freaking out a tad because she was meant to do something for RE and can’t find it, she’s on my right. On my left are loads of people doing their ICT coursework. I really should make a start on that….
The mysteries of America have begun to unravel.

EWw!!

Eww, so today, on the field, we went out for PE. It was rounders,w hich I was oh so thrilled about, but we get out, Kat and I are strolling around to irratate the preps, when we realise there is this great big dead rat on the field!

Now I'm not usually squeamish, I'm not one of those girls who scream about everything and annoy the heck out of people, but that really freaked me out.

I spent the rest of the PE lesson going, "WAhahah!!! look out!" To poor unsuspecting souls like Monique.


I should have done my history Essay before now, but I just kept putting it off. Too bad.

Anyways, at least I finished it, even if it is so late I am asleep on my feet.

Why am I writing my blog, I should be sleeping. Sent it to minal to print, awesome.

Yeah. Sleep. Good

Self Control Failure

So Id ecided I wouldn't read the Virgin Suicides, I would savour it, read one page every now and then, enjoy it through prolonging it. Obviously this didn't work. Not even a little. I am approx half way through the book and the thing hasn't even started! Well then again, I can't wait forever, but that is besides the point. I was meant to wait and then read the book. Sigh. I am such a weak person. I should never get addicted to anything because I wont be able to stop...

Damn Neopets. I had so much money, then it all just dissappeared! It's so unfair. Anyway, I am reading the Virgin Suicides. I have just gotted past the bit about Lux's promiscuity. It's really compelling!

Gah, it's raining outside. I mean when isn't it? It has totally been raining all day. It's like being underwater. Seriously.
My brace is killing me. The damn wire has come out and is attacking the sides of my mouth. It hurts like anything! I blame someone else. Probably the orthodontist. It really hurts! Then again, it's my fault for trying to eat a school fish finger. Seriously, the things are lead coated.

I try to soften them in vinegar.

Today was ok, I met Miss Draper, she seems pretty cool. That's what I like about our language teachers, they really are intersted in the subject, it's fun to talk to them about it. I learnt a couple of phrases and when I went on Friendsabroad.com I had got pleanty of emails. I emailed them all back, but because of the time difference they probably wont get theirs for a while. It's too bad really. Anyway, I shall reply to them tomorrow.

Yum, Jelly.

Mmm.

Finished eating Jelly. Twas as good as I imagined it.

This morning I woke up and I just knew I had had a great dream. I can't remember the damn thing though. I feel like my entire life is waking up and feeling like I have lost something. It's odd.

Must quell urge to go upstairs and read The Virgin Suicides.

Ok, I think I am stable.

Sarah the Umpire

Today could have been totally awful. Actually it was pretty bad, but it could have been worse.
First thing, I get up and don't feel at all revitalised. Anyway, that's not really a point at all, I rarely feel revitalised. So I eat breakfast and then it becomes apparent I have far too much breakfast and don't stand a chance of eating it all. But I try and then I feel sick, but I still have to have my hot chocolate which my mom practically forces onto me. After this I try to quickly brush my teeth and pack my bag which I should of course have done the night before but didn't, so sue me. I finish brushing my teeth, and then feel sick. So I go to the toilet to throw up, but while I am in the toilet, mom doesn't know what I am doing so assumes I am watching TV. I could watch TV, I have no doubts that watching TV is better than regurgitation my breakfast, but I wasn't. Anyway, then I have to stuff all my things in my bag and hope. So I get to school and we have PE first thing, luckily I forge a note from my mom, I was ill and my teacher doesn't make me do the run, but she makes me change and go outside where it is so cold you wouldn't believe it and I do believe I lost several digits to the cold. Anyway, I umpired the rounders match which was ok, but as I had a sore throat from the cold I mentioned yesterday it wasn't so good. This is because Miss Steadman kept asking me to yell things like " No ball high" or " Out at first". On a regular day, no problem, with a sore throat, this poses a problem. So I yell my throat hoarse and finish PE. Could have been worse.
Next thing, I have english which should have been good, but because Mrs Parks hates us all, it was terrible. I could have sat and drawn dots on my page and had a better time. Then it was spanish which was actually quite good, except thanks to my cold, my reading was abysmal. I think everyone hates me to answering all the questions but whatever. Not like I mind. In fact it kinda makes life more interesting. Anyway, then at lunchtime, I was meant to meet Kat so that we could finish our RE. I had two lunchtimes to do it, and it was in for this afternoon, so I wait for her, because she has the information, and she doesn't come. I run all around the school looking for her but she still doesn't come, and I eventually just do it myself. With five minutes of lunch to go, I find her. She was doing her biology homework. Which was also in for this after-friggin-noon. Of course I haven't eaten, nevermind done my homework so I have to scribble it down in registration. Luckily she didn't check it. So again Could have been worse. In biology, I got attacked my tiny men in my stomach, poking my gut with pins. I don't know why they were doing this but it was very mean. It hurt. Alot
Last period I had chemistry. Kat seemed a little dead, and Mr Jones seemed intent on making us write everything ever. It was a very long hour. And I wanted to sleep after it. But no, I had to go to the Entertainer, walk to the Entertainer, to hand in my brother's application form. And guess what? It's raining. So I meet Alex, and he, Kim and I walk up in the rain. We hand in the form and I buy the Virgin Suicides which I have wanted for ages, and I also give a deposit for HPHBP. There's apparently going to be a party at midnight which should be fun.
Anyway, then I call mom, and we wait, in the rain for her to arrive. Sadly, Alex steals my umbrella so I get wet. Lucky me. Thankfully we only have to stand their for about 15 minutes before we get picked up and taken to our nice warm homes. What a heart warming tale of bravery and rain. Not to forget the teeny tiny men.

Being Ill

When you aren't ill, you forget what it's like to be ill. It is not nice. I dislike being ill. Thankfully, I am not very ill, but I do have a bunged up nose that makes me feel all stuffy, and it runs at the most annoying times. I also have a headache. If only I hadn't had to go to school on Friday. I would be find by now. Sigh. Life is so cruel.
Anyway, my braces insist upon giving me grief. I accidentaly bit one of the brackets off so it's irratating. I have to wear that stupid palet guard and it means I can't talk properly! You should have heard my attempt at saying "Arrive" in french. I could roll my "r"s as much as a snail can tap dance.
Ue is being such a b*tch. I mean seriously, Lizm leaves us on our own, fair enough, but then she doesn't return for what, two months? I don't blame her at all. It's the people on UE. I mean they disagree with everything. And then they say we're power hungry. It's not easy. Somedays I think of just throwing in the hat and leaving, y'know? Ue is a little too consuming.
My webcomicing is good right now, I manage to keep up with Scary Go Round, Wigu and Cat and girl. I think I'll start on Bob the Angry flower. Riaz keeps telling me to read it but I am too lazy.
I went to Lana's party on Thursday. It was uber cool. If only I hadn't been so ill at the time. Serves me right for climbing trees in the garden instead of watch CBBC.
I also joined Go club. I am so proud. I mean, I suck at it, but I can play it! And that's what's important right?

Now here is my dilema. I know this girl, let's call her "A." So last year, A and my good friend had a fall out and I didn't want anything to do with her. It was a pretty serious fall out. Except this year she hasn't got any friends and she wants to be mine. Now I would pretend last year hadn't happend, except the thing is, she drives me nuts. One of these days I am just going to shake her till she stops talking. Seriously. She makes me feel like ripping my arm off so I can have something to hit her with. So 1. not good for my blood pressure, 2. Not good for her, 3. Not good for me, I mean what if I yell at her and she says I am bullying her! The thing is, I wouldn't have to yell at her if she wasn't so in my face. If she left me alone I could pretend she didn't exist. But she has this idea I like her. I don't want to be mean. Really I don't. But It's just a lose-lose situation I guess. And then there's my party coming up which should be most awsome, but she wants in on it. I know for a fact several people wont show up if she is there including some of my best friends. So what do I do? I invite her and get a tiny turn out, also go mad with frustration and most likely slap her, or I don't and feel like a bad person.

I have such a strong concience. Sometimes I wish it would sleep for a while.

Mr Brightside

I am totally addicted to that song, though I would never admit that to the world. The killers are now mainstream indie, too mainstream for hardcore indie people like myself of course.
So the Killers are out, or at lest a closely guarded secret between myself, and the rest of the internet.
Anyways, So trying to get back into the musak scene. Not as easy as it looks, my bets are on Bloc Party. They look awsome, and their drummer is amazingly unconcerned.

Anyways, I am planning for the anti prom thing, should be a hellovalot more fun than spending a night in a room full of people I loathe. And paying £30 to do so! Not to mention the dress. That I wouldn't be wearing. Not that I wouldn't look awsome in a dress. It's just not my thing. Very impractical!
So basically I don't wanna go to the prom. What's the poitn? Why woudl I wanna watch my friends get drunk. On second thoughts, I'm definitly going. With a camera.

Hehe.

Anyways, So Centre parks soon. I am looking forward to it, shoiuld be uber. Packed today, coudln't really do anything else with my tooth! I got two extracted and I can't really do much. They gave me a ridiculous amount of anesthetic which I am of course grateful for, but I coudln't smile for absolutely ages. It was rather funny
Except not in the smiling way


Agrg, just got up and I have a headache. Great. Not surprising considering the amount of blood I have swallowed.. REmind me never to become a vampire, how can they enjoy that stuff?

i <3 life

I am amazed at how much I love my life. Right now it seems to consist of school, cards, homework and the internet. Which is no problem to me. The only problems are when Mrs Harrison is all like Yo Sarah! Watchu wearin' unda your shirt? And I'm like What up Miss H? And she's all like Nout. But you should wear a jumper even tho dey are that manky shade of blue. And I'm like Dang Yo.
Or something to the above effect.
Anyway, my life is great. I think the people on UE are a little pissed at me right now, but what? I can't have any fun? I think not. I can have just as much fun as the rest of them. And I am having it. I do feel a bit bad, but hey, it's only a joke!
I am so excited, I am going to centre parks soon with my friend and my mom! It should be awsome. We are going adventuring.
Gah, now Silv is angry with me. I don't know sometimes. I like him so much! He is like one of my best internet friends but he has been acting weird lately. Not to me, or at least not till today.
*Sigh* I hope he isn't angry for long.

Against my wishes...

...I do believe I am growing up.
for the first time in years I am completely happy with myself. I love my image, I love my life, I am satisfied with my intellect and only seek to increase it. I have repressed my bad memories so tha my life seems quite satisfactory. I have pretty much everything I want, time to think and my own space.
Wait, when I say growing up, I don't mean OMG BOYFRIENDS11!11 I mean like getting on a bit. I fear I am growing old, I had started makeing plans beyond getting married in a pretty white dress. First the dress is going to be copper. Nah, but besides that I am slightly concerned I will go through education, get married have kids and then die. To be honest, I am not keen on children. I refuse to be all I loff them, they are so cute ooga wooga I don't see the point. Kids don't really take to me so I see no reason for me to fawn over them just because I am supposed to.

I suppose that's something to do with my feminine instinct. Trouble is, I am not all that feminine. I have no hormones to speak of can't be bothered to make myself look pretty and am pretty damn lazy. It's funny considereing when I was two years younger I couldn't get enough of make up and wedding dresses. Nowdays I just don't see the point of dressing up. Whose there to impress?

My life

It has occured to me that my life is one big internet.
Ok, the situation used to be ok. I used to go on the internet for a hilw after 6 o'clock, then get off it by 9 and go to bed. Nowadays though, I go on at 4ish, and get off past 10.
Which is worse, I woke up at five this morning so that I could talk to Loopy on msn and update my blog.

The thing with the internet, is you always feel like you have something to do on it, like you have an urge to go on it, but then when you get there, you feel like you have nothing to do, but in the same way are really relucatant to go offline. In fact, I can sit at teh computer for ages waiting for someone to post, and even if no one has or is likely to in the next hour, when my mom calls me to eat I postpone as long as possible.

Heck This is proof in itself. It's 8AM and I am on the computer. In ten minuites I have to go to school.

At least I am not alone. Loopy is here with me, which makes her just as addicted as me, if not more because yesterday she decided tot alk to me while wearing a towel.
The thing is, how can I remember anythig if all my time is spent doing the same thing?
Wont all my memories blur into one big blob of websites and comics?

Oh well. I heart the internet

If they said you couldn't go on the computers during school time...I don't know what I would do, but I would sure as hell be angry! Anger I tell you!

Oh yeah, they would pay. I can imagine a whole lot of people would be angry

Ok, lets take a review of the day.
First period, PE theory, this should be ok, provided Charlotte is there
Second period, tutorial, this should be funny, I'll be with my other friends!
Third period, RE, *groan* I loathe RE so that will be one long hour, but its ok because after that is DINNER! which means I can visit the internet again.
Fourth period, history which is great. I love history, tis my favourite subject. In case you were not sure whether I was a geek or not, I think that clinched it for you.
Fifth period, Spanish, we should get our tests back. Or we wil have to finish them. I actually think I did ok.

Ok, so today doesn't actually look too bad, but it's a good thing there is that Dinner hour for computerising...

Softmints...The True Story

Another wonderful day in the life of Sarah. Ok, I am a bad diary lady person, I haven’t updated in days, but it’s not as if I have nothing better to do than record my life on the internet now is there? Of course not, there are games of slam to play and books to read. You see, there is so much more to my life than at first meets the eye.
Kinda
Anyway, so I am at school…still. Since Lucy and I founded the SLASTLM, (Society of leaving all science till the last minute) I have been busy. Ok not really, but in following with the tradition the club is based on, I spent all of last night doing my science work, that was of course in for today. Lucy kindly sent me hers with a humorous diagram on it. Sadly her diagram made my diagram look pitiful. Anyway, basically, her coursework kicked my coursework’s butt, so from now on the new thing on my “to do” list is of course, become Lucy.
At least my mother now realises that Lucy is in fact not a figment of my imagination, though I don’t think she would take kindly to the fact I have been staying up late at night in order to text her…Oh well, you can’t have everything in life.

Laura was upset yesterday, which of course made me sad, as I cannot help but adjust my mood to fit with the Wonderful Woman of West Yorkshire. I think that name deserves a medal to be honest. It’s great is what it is.

Oh great. I have a stomach ache, I shouldn’t have eaten all of those softmints, but they were so tasty, and minty and chewy I just couldn’t resist. The situation could be worse I suppose. I could have double chemistry next. No, I do have double chemistry next.
It could be worse, it could be physics.

Anyway, must get back to slam.

TRAGEDY!

Yes, a terrible, terrible thing has happend, Laura, my greatest friend, soulmate and text buddy, has had her internet all broken. Can you believe it. There was hardly any reason to go on the internet except to update my blog. I have decided to dedicate this whole entry to Laura!

My friend Laura.
I met Laura AGES ago, when I first joined UE. Back when I was a newbie, and she used to post on every thread. A whole lot of it was spam might I add:p Anyway, for the longest time I didn't talk to her, she had so many posts, and was popular, but when I finally did start to talk to her, we immediately hit it off.

Yes, I have only known her on the internet, but what difference does that make really, besides, at least she still lives in the UK. When we are 18, we plan to meet up. Sooner if possible. I have a terrible fear that when we get there she will make fun of my accent and think that I am posh. Which I am not for the record. But then I suppose if she does, I have enough information on her to blackmail her to stop.
You hear that Laura? Blackmail. You have been warned.
Anyway, Laura and I have playe loads of jokes on people. At one point, we were twins, with a pony called Olive, at another point we were movie crazy posters on UE and several times we change our screennames, fonts and icons to the same thing and freak people on it multiple convos :P

Anyway so Laura is a great friend, sometimes I see a Busted poster and attempt to telepathically say to her What were you thinking? At other times Kat will say something and I will relay it to her later, but wish she had been there at the time.
I probably have an unhealthy friendship with Laura, but I do relate to her, and we are psycikly linked. How else can you explain how we were always on the internet on Saturday mornings? We changed that into our "Saturday Morning Bitching Session" We found it really set you up for the next week.

Anyway, so ends Laura's entry, I hope you are happy!
All that remains to be said, is I was finally late for history

The Truth About History

Everytime I have history, I find myself the last one in the classroom, as though I am dragging out the time in which I have to get to the lesson. I normally find I have it after lunch and I am the only memeber of my peer group, one of two members of my class who have that lesson. I try to get there late, I hate the people in that class. My history class is the worst class, at least in other lessons people just leave me alone, but in History I find myself surrounded by really annoying people who should have better things to do than bother me, but for some reason don't.

It's not like I don't have any friends, but more that I don't have any friends in that particular class. I probably could have made friends, I know why I haven't made friends, I''ll get on to that.
Anyway, so I drag my feet and take the long way to the other side of the school, room 39 where I have History with Mrs Dobson. I wonder why I hate going to history. I love the subject, I like my teacher, I make striaght A's and yet I hate going. It's probably something to do with that friends thing again. It's not that the people in my history class dislike me. I am sure most of them hold me in mild disdain, and have n o idea of my loathing towards them. I hope it stays that way. I am in a class of people who can make my life very difficult if they wish to.
It's an awkward position if you ask me, spending an hour in a class full of the kind of people I hate. Then again, you would think if I hate them so much, they would stay away from me.
History would be AWSOME if they would stay away from me, But no, something about me fascinates them, if only they would just stay away. Funnily enough, the best history lesson I have ever had was when my partener was away, so I didn't have to pretend to listen to her idiotic babble and nod and smile encouragingly, acting as though I give a damn. To be hoenst, I don't really care if Jess pushed Jenny in the dinning hall. Nor do I care that Bobby isn't paying enough attentiong to Danniel. I do, surprisingly enough care how millions of soldiers around the world lost their lives in a war that lasted 4 years and left countries in tatters and account for the present day situations we live in.
And that brings me nicely to the reason I don't have any friends in my history class. Yesterday we were discussing the treaty of Versailles. When I say we, I mean me and the teacher, as the rest of the class were too interested in the personal stero that was being passed around. We had been given numbers representing the big three and put into groups. Somehow I found myself being Woodrow Wilson, Georges Clemenceau and Lloyd George. I don't really see how that happend, but I think it had something to do with the pity I was feeling towards the teacher. I mean in a class of 30, why can't one student give a basic outline of Woodrow's 14 points, or give a reason that Lloyd George didn't want to punish Germany too badly. Anyway, that is how I ended up discussing how the first world war ended and it's affect on the world with my teacher. This is probably one of many reasons that my class hates me. I mean, I have no right to be interested in work do I? It goes against everything they believe in.
Dammit, it's the end of dinner hour. I also don't think that my friends are swallowing th, I have courswork to do, that's why I have to go to the computer room. Sooner or later they are going to figure out that it actually means I don't want to spend another minute listening to you whiny drivel. Wow, I actually have replaced real people with the internet.
Ah well, the internet is more reliable, and always smiles.

Anyway to conclude No matter what I do, No matter how hard I try, I somehow always end up early to history. Somehow.

School Again

Second day back to school today. Yesterday I was really annoyed at my having to go to school, but Alex going to school and then having to go home as school was not on was definitly a highlight to my day :p
You know that feeling, just before school starts, where you feel all optomistic about working, but at the same time, you know the feeling is superficial and will pass soon. Also, my normal schoool moto of When thou art giving homework, thous should go in the internet for guidance does not coincide with these new and scary thoughts. So now I am in conflict with myself. I have an urge to focus on my work and make something of myself, countered by my urge to blow everything off and go on the internet. I wonder which of these powerful forces will win? Hm.

Also during the holiday I forgot about the problem of dinner times. My friends are very superficial and spend way too much of their time talking about other people. I thought I had cunningly solved this problem by bringing in a pack of cards, but apparently playing slam isn't a suitable pastime for young ladies. Young ladies my ass. Fuck Mrs Taylor, I felt like gambling all her money away in vegas just to spite her. No one can say she doesn't deserve it.

She so has it in for me, I am not kidding, the lady hates me. When we were rehersing for our assembly, I was like the only one who had actually found something to say, and she fucking told me off for speaking into my bleeping scarf! I was so pissed off at her. And then she totally let the idiots who were messing around off. Well fuck them all.

Uh-oh, this is getting a little angsty isn't it? Well lets tone it down.

Yesterday, when I forgot to update as I had two huge essays to do, (Thanks Garfy!) I found something funny. I was sitting on the computer and my mom came in and asked me to take some wrapping paper down from the top shelf that she couldn't reach, but new that with my aptitude for heights, I would relish the oppurtunity to jump on a few chairs. The funny thing was the way she said it. She went "Sarah" as though I was a cute dog or something, that needed to be coaxed into doing things. You know when you are trying to get a dog to come and sit on you, and you call it's name and pat your knees? I half expected her to whistle or something.
now I think about it, maybe it wasn't so much funny, as I was a walking bottle of caffeine. Yep, that's definitly it.

Grah my friends are all like, Can we go Sarah? We suck, we need to eat to stop our whining, so I suppose I have to go eat. This is lunchtime by the way, I'm at school. So I suppose I have sorted out what to do at lunchtimes huh?

Lost Beyond Hope

So I went SHOPPING with my mother, which turned into more of an adventure than I could possibly have imagined.

So we arrived there, I was well armed, I had my phone and my pack of softmints, which I am now sorry to say are missing, but I wasn't alert, and that led me to look for socks with my mother. I thought it would be ok, what's wrong with looking for socks? But then as sudden as falling over, disaster struck, and I found my self neck deep in women's lingerie! It was a nightmare.
I didn't know which way to turn.
I ran around for several moments, before collecting my wits and scanning the area by squinting through my lashes. I located a safe spot betweenthe mirror and the pyjmas where I couldn't see anything that would scar me for life. I then commenced to text my friends, I texted three of them, hoping for some guidance, perhaps they had once been in a simillar situation. But alas, out of three, only one replied, and instead of guidance, the SMS contained only jeering at my situation.
Not very mature but at least it was a distraction.
I attempted to hurry my mother, whilst staying as far away from the item's themselves as possible, but as we got to the desk, disaster struck.
The previous night, my brother had bought a picture on Ebay, which he had used mom's card for. He hadn't put her purse back in the handbag, so it was that we found ourselves in marks and sparks, trying to return a load of clothes we bought with her credit card and therefore needed her credit card to return the clothes. Thereafter we emerged from the lingerie section with £80 worth of gift vouchers.
So then we had to shop! Shop hard dammit!
Mom told me to run along and find some shoes to buy, but instead I found myself facing a fate worse than before. I was lost, lost in male lingerie! It was terrible, everywhere I looked I saw things I didn't want to see. I had wandered in somehow and now was trapped. It called for drastic action. Closing my eyes, I ran wildly and didn't stop until I felt linolium under my trainers, showing that I was back on the main walk way. I found the shoe display and a satisfactory pair of shoes, but when I showed them to my mother, she said they were too broad and we would have to go to Birmingham. I don't mind, those shoes were satisfactory, these shoes might be great!

The rest of the shopping trip was spent trying to spend the gift vouchers, it was a little pathetic if you ask me.

Wigu!

I miss Wigu, for those of you poor poor souls who don't know who wigu is, he lives here. www.wigu.com
Sadly, wigu has now finished. I am most upset. But the archives are hillarious. Anyway, the stupid thing is, I used to read wigu, then I stopped and only when I ealised it was finished, (December 31) did I start reading them again. They are totally awsome. Anyway, enough reminiscing cause half of you don't have a clue what I am on about.

I finished reading Book Two of the Echorium sequence, but I haven't started the third. I definitly got awsome presents this year! In fact, all of my presents this year were great. I didn't get any of those stupid presents that people give and then they are crap and you have to grit your teeth and think, it's the thought that counts and then put the stupid thing on your shelf where it gathers dust until you hate it so much you throw it out the window. Ahem, of course I have never done that.


Anyway, right now I am going to Sutton, to return clothers. Hopefully I can buy some more softmints :p
I am running out.

New Year!

Well everybody, we have reached 2005, it's been a good year in 2004, I got a sweater, ASOUE was released in the cinema, the Beckhams nearly broke up.

Let's look at the high lights of the year in my blog.

-I started my blog
-I got "angsty in the moment"
-I got a sweater! How could you forget?
-I was caught red handed, sleep surfing the internet
-I reviewd the year, I am doing it RIGHT NOW, though technically, seing as it is 2005 I am not doing a very good job of reviewing last year.

Wow, a lot has changed since 2004, now I'll have to start again with January when I write the date in school, plus, instead of writing 2004 at the end of it, I'll be writing 2005. Wow, massive changes going on there.

I hate January, it signifys another year, it means I'm getting older. I don't like getting older, I just don't see what there is to look forward to. It also means I have a whole 8 months of school left, I suppose September should signify I have more months of school left, but somehow that doesn't count. Probably because it's sunny in September.

It's not sunny in good for nothing January.

In my opinion, we should skip straight to February. I mean who has important fun things to do in January? We should just miss it out. All we would miss are 3 weeks of school. Oh man, that bites, I have three weeks of school coming up. And besdies, February is a great month.
ok I lie, February is an ok month, but next to January it's goddam awsome. February makes you think of spring.
Woudl you believe this, I was looking on Google image search for my sweater, I figure I'll have a look and then I'll go to H&M's website and see if it is still up, but I get there, and there is this garbage about the new Spring Collection. I haven't seen the sun for days, I can't even remember what birds look like. And they talk about Spring. Gawd, I was really pissed off. Not only because they have gotten rid of any outstanding pictures of my sweater, but just in general, that they had seen fit to announce it was Spring when it was November. Coudln't they have just had their site linking into circles or just a sign that says "This site is out of sync with the world" and that would be that.

I mean right now, it is so dark, you can't class that as Spring.

I don't really like spring anyway, it doesn't really exist. There is just winter and then in a period of a week it changes to Summer. Spring is made up so that we will all feel perkier or something. I probably wouldn't mind so much if they didn't say that Spring started months before we even see sunlight. It's a lie I tell you, a lie.

If I had it my way, the season would be as follows, Summer Autumn Winter Swinter Summer Autumn. Swinter is a season that lasts a month, giving Winter the proportion of the yare normally appointed to Spring.

I'm not going to write anything about today's activities in this entry, in case I get bored later, which I am sure I will, and feel the need to update once more.