Do you know, my name is Sarah. And Santa Claus' first name is Santa. The first two letters of both of our first names are not only shockingly simillar, they are the same.
You realise, that this means you can substitute the Santa in Santa Claus, to Sarah? Therefore making a new, more special Santa Claus?
I give you Sarah Claus.
I'm like the anti-santa. I mean, I' ve made up this whole thing. I have a list of hardened criminals that I keep in my pocket. Every midwinter, I visit the criminals who have been particularly bad, and I steal their books. Yes, you read it correctly, I steal their books. And then, if they've been stealing candy from young children, perhaps babies, I pull out their hair. They wake up all like "omgwtf where is my hair?" and I am of course long gone, flying away on my ..I don't know, dogs from hell? What are they called? Huskys! Yes, that's it, huskys. I fly away on my huskys.
And why don't they wake up when I pull out their hair I hear you ask? Well, you don't wake up, when I pull out your hair, do you? And don't say you do, because if you did, then I wouldn't be able to return every other night, except wednesday because I have bingo on wednesday, and pull out some more of your hair that I add to my extensive hair collection.
And then I make a hat. Yes, Sarah Claus has a hat, made of hair. She wears this hat made of hair, and a bit trench coat, a pink trench coat. And I don't drink cocacola, I drink Dr Pepper. Take that St Nick.
Anyway, every one looooooves Santa Claus, right? Well everyone will love Sarah Claus to, but only love her, because they know that if they don't, she'sll steal all of your books, whether or not you are a hardened criminal.
What do she do with the books? Well, that's a very good question. She builds herself a magnificent fortress in the desert. You heard me. No stupid northpole crap, she lives in the desert. Damn straight she does. She lives in a fortress made of books. And when she's bored, she picks up a book and reads it! But the whole fortress doesn't fall down or anything, because it's like, when you pull a table cloth out from under lots of plates and stuff. Yes, she's that good.
And you know how Santa has all those elves to help him out with shit? Well Sarah Claus has loads of Dwarves to help her out. They don't wear stupid dresses either, they wear...robes, like in Harry Potter. Yes. Just like that.
Anyway, yes Sarah Claus is very busy all year around. Because she is planning on who to take books from, which books to take, and so on. The dwarves help her, by preparing big sacks for her to put all the books in, so that they don't like, split or something, because that would be a bummer.
Yessir it would
Next week, Cyber Punk Sarah.
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