Prrrrpt

I know you guys are all waiting with baited breath to find out what I've been doing this weekend! And hasn't it been tremendous!
So here's a rundown.
Friday night my brother came home, yay! I sent my letter to Melissah on the way home from school. I spent two hours of English writing that letter so I hope she appreciates it. I find that the double english lessons we have on friday are a collosal waste of my time, and therefore put my mind to better uses. I was rather pleased, when I got home to find a parcel for me. I thought it was a parcel from either Melissah, Joanna, or even an early birthday present from my aunt. cough my birthday is on the 14th of april cough. Imagine my surprise when it turned out I'd won a competition I'd entered online and I'd won some portable ceramic straighteners! How shocking! I couldn't even remember entering the competition! And so I entered into the weekend rather on a good note. I vaguely remember my mum going out while I stayed at home and carried on with my knitting, which is going tremendously might I add.
On Saturday, I went shopping with my brother. Where we live, there are a large number of charity shops, about six. So yesterday we walked down, first we got my glasses fixed so I don't have to keep pushing them up my nose (Man is that annoying) Then we went two about five charity shops. I find it amusing that so many people hate charity shops,I mean they are essentially like ebay. I bought Gladiator the video which I heart! I LOVE THAT FILM. I also bought some wool and some knitting needles. My brother bought a shockingly small suit, because he is shockingly small and can never find suits small enough to fit him. I also bought some seeds! They are flower seeds. Two packs, one to be planted in March and one in May.
I got down to some really hardcore extreme gardening after lunch, clearing out the small patch of soil where I supposedly plant each year. Of course with the internet, I haven't done it for about two years and the patch was overridden with weeds and grass. I got rid of as much as possible and then left it, as the weather was sooo cold. I did a bit of school work and ate some brownies.
Today, I have continued a culinary adventure I was not aware I had embarked on, but nevertheless shall continue with a strong heart. I baked a wonderful chocolate cake, which went slightly wrong because I forgot to add all of the eggs. Luckily I rectified it and it tastes great!

Hello Neko Suave. How nice to make your aquaintance. And the rest of you, I hopes your curiousity has been sated.

Halloo

Today I bought some plant seeds

Owls, comics and why I hate Physics

I was debating what to call this post. There were several competitors. I was liable to call it "Kissing, Cartoons and why I hate Physics" but I knew that you give you all the wrong idea. Of course I haven't been going around kissing peoples! We all know that leads to no good. Kissing owls on the other hand?
Wait no, that's certainly giving you the wrong idea! I haven't been kissing any owls. Or any dead owls. Surely that would give me bird flu! Anyway, who would kiss a dead owl? I would. You'd have to be insane! But I can sort of see the attraction. Anyway, basically, what would you rather do, kiss a dead owl, or kiss a dead cat? Kiss a slug or a snail? Kiss a crab or a lobster. Kiss one dead owl or three? Difficult questions, I know.

Owls, I suppose the title is now partially explained. Well a second of the title is partially explained. Why, you ask, would I even think about kissing an owl, or even consider kissing a dead owl? I suppose I could always write a poem about it. I don't suppose if I ever saw a dead owl I would want to kiss it, but I do find the idea of kissing a dead cartoon owl very appealing. Readers of my comic, beware.

This leads us rather nicely into the next topic comis. I've been a bit of a comic crazy, this week I've started on my newest lot of comics, after the "expanding my horizons" batch which I am going to start posting from today, which is already finished. This one is about an epedemic. I'm not entirely sure where it'll take me, but you better believe it'll be abstract and probably end up with me waking up in bed going "It was all a dream." That truly is the cheaters way to end pretty much anything. It's quite fun though.
I have even got some ideas for the next lot of comics after this, inspied by my friend Kat, featuring psuedo versions of us as adults, working together. I shan't say anything else in case it doesn't visualise, but I think it'll be amazing if it does. I'm hoping that tomorrow, in a stroke of brilliance I will think of something to put in the current series I am working on, as I have got about half way, and don't know how to get back to base camp. It's hopefully going to work itself out, otherwise I'll have to abandon that particular strand and start from scratch.

Back to business, I really don't like physics. Kat and I have managed to syncronise our physics results. Funny really, we were trying to syncronise our periods...how odd. I have to go over the whole of the last unit because I am fair certain I didn't understand a thing. Also, I KNOW HOW TO KNIT! This makes me the queen of all things. Obviously. Knitting is teh cool.

Did you know that the river Amazon, has 2,500 different types of fish, whereas Great Britain has only 36? I am learning about the river amazong. I bought a table, and had spent all my credit texting YASAMIN and so had to walk all the way home with it under my arm. This week I have been reesablishing my friendships will Jooo, Yasamin, Megz and Lawla. I got a letter from Melissaaah today. I had better go reply to it!

Also, go read the new comic! Noooow! Hope you are all well and having fun, I must say I'm having a great time. I think I'm finally not addicted to the internet! God! It took long enough didn't it?


P.S. I made brownies. I love brownies. I ate brownies D: I shall have to make them again.

Status

I am ill/lazy/learning to realign my perceptions.

Ooh Lookie!

You might have noticed that my blog is looking rather sexy, thanks to Rob and his HTMLing skillz, I now have links and a guestbook! That's enough for me though, all this coding and stuffs makes my head hurt.
Anyway, please comment on my guestbook! I've also finally got myself a comic hoster that I can work with, I mean Jelly Creations died, and Keenspace is way confusing, so now I've got this dead duck thing, and hopefully it'll be good! You can see the next two parts of the Adventures of Super Hero Sarah there, which I hope you are enjoying.

It's always like this, I'm all, comic comic comic for a few days, and then I'm like, Com-ick?

Anyway, Erin is off the net for a week, and so will I be, as I am working at school! I'll still be drawing the comic, but I wont be putting it up till Friday. Sorry if you cannot wait that long!

Contrary to popular opinion, I am actually being a super hero. I have a cape and an "S" pinned to my top. I'm not sure if the "S" stands for Sarah, or Super, but if anyone asks I'm liable to say either!

I'm pretty pleased with the snazzing up of this blog. It's nice.

oh wait, I'm meant to be writing the bloggers manifesto!

The Bloggers Manifesto

1. You must update at least once a week
2. You must comment religiously on your fellow bloggers blogs
3. You must always be on the lookout for new bloggers to join the bloggers team
4. You must help me think of a name of the bloggers team
5 You must be in love with Draco Malfoy


That's all I can think of :)

ANNOUNCEMENT

For the next few days, I am going to be blogging by way of comic strips.

Enjoy.

Finished!

Proper update later. Comments please! Isn't Ginny gorgeous?

Dark and chaotic, slow and hypnotic, she comes into my mind

Hallo peoples! A short update, I'll update later properly, to say HI YAS. And to also show you what I'm working on. You can see this picture, well basically I am editting it amaking it look better in general. Tell me what you think!

Did some retail therapy, man that felt good!

Anyway, there is the picture, I was using water colours again. I need to add to her hair, and get my outlines and shadows a little darker so you can see them when it's scanned in. Isn't Ginny's bow cute?

*cough* There's a Hermeverus i my throat

Today I swallowed a sherbet lemon whole! Shocking!

What's the russian word, meaning to disperse?

Anyway I am on the phone to Kitty-Kat right now. It's all good.

No doubt you have noticed that picture there. It's a Hermeverus, it's crap. I tried to draw it and it failed, then I painted it and that failed! In all it's sucky! I posted it so Laura appreciates the effort I made on her behalf! Actually, I bet she wanted someone way more ranchy. Ew. Just Ew.

I need to practice my romance scenes actually, but it's sooo hard!

And not to mention embarrasing.

I'm cooking fishy fingers right now, because I am a magnificent chef doncha know?

Anyway, this isn't a long blog, but I propose that the blogging club, members Sarah, Laura, Yasamin and Rob (Did anyone tell Rob?) Should make the club official by ....doing stuff. Like Rules and mottos and stuff. Yeah.

I can't afford to be neutral on a moving train!

And Adam, Rob's blog would only upset you!

'Cause I've been waiting for so long, to sing my teenage victory song...

Wowee, all of my friends have blogs! Laura, Yasamin and Bob! How awesome!
We are going to be like a blogging team or something! We'll be blogging like crazy! I'll just be like, blog blog blog blog.
So everyday, I can come online, check my blog and then comment on all of their blogs! It'll be awesomely cool!
Anyway, back to my blog. I did some biology revision yesterday, that was interupted by my friend kim.
Before she arrived we had the following text conversation

Kim: Happy valentines day!
Me: How sad, none of us have bfs, you and ellen should come round and we'll have a menagé trois.
Kim: I'm on my way
Me: Whaatttt???? I was kidding!!? You really thing I'd invite you over for a threesome?

And then she came around anyway...I mean you guys all know what a menagé trois is right? Clearly she didn't. We did some revision anyway, genes and whatnot.

Today I'm trying to do some maths, by going through the revision guide and just learning what I can't do. For example I haven't a clue about irrational numbers...well I do now, basically they are ugly. So if you see an ugly number, chances are it's irrational.
I'm doing percentages now, i mean I can do percentages but it's just a good idea to review. It's all pretty easy right now, but soon it'll get harrd. And I'll cry! Lots!

My mum asked me if I want to do Dentistry, I told her that it would be like staring into someones mouth all day, (now I think of it, it would be exactly that!) and she said that I would get alot of money! Shocking! I told her that I want to sit at home and watch chickflicks all day and she sighed at me!
Really! I mean I'm fifteen without a purpose or direction...I don't owe anyone a f*cking explaination!

I know what you are all thinking. You are wondering how I haven't drawn another D/G pic. I'm afriad I have! But it's not really D/G, it's kinda G/T! How weird! It's only because Ginny went wrong, and I can't draw Draco anyway, so it ended up just, oh well just look at it! It's right there! Anyway, as usual comments are appreciated!

I would like to point out that Adam is a little perv! I am doing one of his fanfiction challenges, and you know what he set me to write?
A love scene with you and your favourite character Well first of all, no way am I writing porn! It's just so classless! I might write a romantic scene, with underlying love, but nothing obvious!

Laura, I'm still not going to draw you a Hermerverus. It's just wrong. Can't you google it if you're that desperate? Or draw one yourself!

I'm always dressed to kill....And I feel like I always do

I am an ADDICT!
I saw the picture at the top of This and became inspired. I printed it off, and then made a copy of it which you can see here. I'm really pleased with it, as I copied and expanded. Obviously the original artist, there's more information about her on D&G.com is immensely talented and I wouldn't have been able to draw something like that without seeing it before, but I still like the end result.

This only actually took me a few minutes, although once I had finished I spent a bit of time doing shading and editting it.

Once I'd finished this, I thought I ought to practice my Draco skills, which are rubbish by the way, I much prefer drawing Ginny, but I managed an okayish sort of picture which you can see. I know it's crappish, but I thought I'd show you guys anyway. I need to see some more Draco pictures really, I mean I suck at drawing boys, never mind ferrets!

You might notice that all of my pictures are in black and white, because I don't have access to any paints, and pencil crayons would probably ruin the effect. One of these days I'm going to have to work out how to use photoshop and edit my pictures there!

And after I drew that? No I still wasn't satisfied! I work hard at being obsessed! I drew a cute little D&G christmassy thing that you can see below. Yes I know I'm late, but who cares. It just sort of sprang to mind. It's more cartoonish than anything, but I like it.
I'm thinking that Draco looks a bit drunk though...well he'd have to be to consider kissing ginny! I love her cute little jumper! Oh and her freckles came out well.

I should really stop gushing about my crappy pictures! The only one I really like is the top one, and that's a copy of someone elses! But a good copy I think.

Tell me what you think!

And update on my life? I finished pokemon red! And by that I mean I defeated the elite four, not that I caught 150 pokemon.I mean who does that!? No one does that.

LOVES AND ..STROODLE!

AND SO YOU SAY

Don't make the killer/non-fatal mistake of assuming that the title of this update has anything to do with anything! Because it doesn't! Shocking!

A recapp of my day:

My mother and aunt look out of the window and have a conversation, the transcript follows:
"Wow, look at that tit!"
"My goodness! It's huge!"
" yes and so smooth"
"But look at the colour"
"I didn't know they came in that colour"
"It's a great tit isn't it?"
"Really? I thought it looked like a green one"
"Sarah, are you ok?
"Uh, yeah, mum, I'm fine, I just have to go and *runs away*"

I mean really, next thing they'll be reading Maxim and annotating the pictures!

So I came back from my aunts, throroughly revitalised and once again managing to do little, (none...) revision for my upcoming GCSEs which although I have become quite profficient in lecturing others in the importance off, I have yet to embark upon the voyage of bored- revision.

It has become apparent to me, that having ones own personal life drama is somewhat difficult with exams and such, on television this never seems to be a problem. Perhaps this is because the characters are fictional? I daresay, I have only ever seen Marissa (Of the O.C. Like DUH) doing her homework once! And that was in between generous quantities of tonsil tennis with Ryan (Can we say ewwwww?) and ..well shooting people.

I have planned to begin my revision tomorrow! Well actually, now I come to think of it, I previously intended to begin my revision yesterday, and then today, and then this afternoon, but right now it's tomorrow. I might as well just push it onto Wednesday, as that's the way it's going to go and we all know it, but thinking ahead is just not for studious studiers such as myself.

I've been thinking that it's about time I considered my career. Until recently, I was thinking of being a power mother, but now I am steering closer to being crazy cat lady. And before you say it's already been done, I'll give it an edge! Like hell I will! What will the edge be..Uh I dunno yet.


Wait! I have it, cats doing extreme sports, such as jumping through hoops of fire and such! Though possibly the RSPCA wont be so cool with that, but with the monarchy pretty much out of here, I can't see why they would hold sway. I also think being a recluse/looney might be good for my mind. I bet I wouldn't be distracted from my maths homework if I was a looney/recluse.

Ok, definitely from tomorrow I am going to become a reclusive looney. That way, I am sure to get my work done. My main duty is to draw several obsessive D/G pictures, (Several more) and try and persuade olive to jump through a hoop. Darn that cat. Everytime I try it, she looks at my with this "you fuckwit" look. I'm almost offended. I would be offended if I couldn't retailiate with a smooth wiggle of my opposable thumbs yep, I've definitely got the advantage! Sarah 1. Olive 0. Except then she sort of scratched my thumbs whilst I wiggled them rather overly energetically. But I bet it was cause she's stupid and thought they were mice or something. Really. As though I would hold a mouse. (Can we say eww...again?)

I'm getting a little jittery thinking about the massacaring of my pooor thumbs, which makes every stroke of the space bar painful for me. I think I should review my goals

1. Become a recluse
2. Look up dictionary definition of said profession (Wouldn't want to get it wrong and end up a plumber or something)
3. Stare at my nails a bit. Study whether depending on the angle that the light hits them, do they look shiner?
4. Do some maths..maybe. Or more likely pretend to, but instead doodle D/G pics in the "do not write in this margin" section of my practice papers.
5. Somehow convince olive to jump through the hoop. (Maybe pick her up and put her through it?)

Yeah, I think that's quite good..


HEY LOOK. A picyture. I quite like drawing. But I cannot draw Draco! Dunno why...I have no problems with pretty much anything else relating to him.

Today my hair status resembles a sort of black haystack. I mean it's not even a haystack, it's like you took a nest, a crows nest or something equally ugly, and then brushed it, and spraypainted it black. Oh and then put ridiculous amounts of volumising shampoo on it. My hair has a tendency to do that. It's just so big...apparently when I was younger it was really thin so we kept bobbing it in the hopes it would get thicker...AND IT DID AND NOW I AM A WALKING CROWS NEST AKA SARAH YIELD-SIGN MURANO . It's scandalous is what it is.


I am a-wondering whether I can be a heroine. I see no reason not to.

From this day forth, I shalt be a superher- I mean I shall be a looney, reclusive heroine.

Or at least for the rest of the half term.

Did anyone read all of this?

Je suis un artiste

I really really like this picture, I hope you guys do too! It was inspired by the photobooth picture on dracoandginny.com check it out! I was going to do a ginny and Draco picture, but I can't ever draw guys, so it ended up as a Ginny..ginny picture, and neither looks like Ginny now. It actually looks like random girl, thinking about her pseudo self..as both of them don't look the same. Because I cannot draw them both looking the same! I particularly like pseudo Ginny, and I am loving her skirt, I must say. I've also managed eyes, which I'm particularly pleased with.

I've mainly uploaded it to show the lovely joanna, who is lovely. By the way.

Today, was uneventful, but, I did a silly assembly on Colours this morning, though I'm not sure what I said...something about genes I am a-guessing? I managed to sneak in my maths coursework while my teacher wasn't looking! Thank goodness! If I haven't already mentioned it, I kinda fucked up my coursework, and therefore couldn't finish it, and handed it in incomplete. Luckily I stole some and finished it with the help of my lovely friend Rachel and my cat. Then I snuck it back in! Perfecto!

Ce monde est merveilleux

Even if you can't always see it! It really can help piece of mind to see the good in everything. The walls that sometimes seem to trap you are keeping you safe.

Anyway, I'm reading a french novel called "Anna et son Orchestre" It's quite good.

Toodles

Tatiana and Nadia Digame...

Nada.

Seeing as Nadia has disappeared, and Tatiana is talking to my mum, ah well!!

Here's a piccy of Nadia on the left and Tatiana on the right. Why are there two of them? Well that's an interesting story!

So if anyone is wondering why I am not paying them attention, it's because I am spending some time with these lovely girls.

I have to do some spanish coursework tomorrow. Oh no. It will be so difficult. Just terrible. Do NOT know how I will possibly manage.


After school they say they will be doing some kind of dance for us! Wow! I mean, why are english people so boring really? I mean everyone else has something, we are just rude. How annoying. It seems to me that we spend all our time learning about other people's culture because we don't have any ourself!

On the left is Tatiana and Nadia caught talking to my mom, hence their sort of "wtf" look. They say that they will upload the pictures that they've taken here onto their photolog and then they'll link me to it via an email! I am thinking of getting a photolog myself, but I ought to get a camera first really.

They take pictures of everything! It's really cool! Nadia is addicted to msn, not unlike a certain somebody I used to know. Cough. Myself. Cough.Tatiana also likes the internet (Nadia calls her Tatty! Como tierna!) but she doesn't seem as addicted. Earlier Nadia had a video conversation with her mum which was lovely. They've only been gone like, three days, but I bet they feel homesick. I really ought to take them upstairs, we haven't made Tatianas bed yet, so we ought to hurry!

I hope that when they leave, Tuesday morning, so not long really, we will keep in touch. Who knows, maybe I'll visit them someday! I know I wouldn't mind them staying here again, they're lovely, and I certainly wouldn't be bored with that kind of company.

Get this, while the rest of the group go back to Buenos Aires, Nadia is going to continue to Paris, stay in a hostel there, and then go to Rome. Then after that she's going to stay with family in Italie! Wow!
That kind of stuff does just not happen to people here. Especially not people who are afraid to leave their houses.

Also I am having a family crisis. I cannot deal with any other crisises because of this. If you are having a crisis, and it is in any relation to me, do not expect any fast solution.

Someone made a big boo today...

So incase you didn't catch my three second dash on msn, here is what REALLY happend.

I GOT KIDNAPPED BY ALIENS AND THEY Forced me to go on msn! They said if I didn't, they would..would..probe me! EWW.

Ok maaaybe not. I just didn't want my msn thingy to expire so I tried to sign in offline..which I clearly need to practice, as the next thing I know I have six msn conversations going "WTF." Believe me, I was thinking the exact same thing.

Anyway, it made me miss all of you lofflys even more! But I do wonder, why on earth are you online at 4PM? Shouldn't you be making a last minute attempt at homework? What's that? Shouldn't I? Yes. This is very true.

But luckily, Tatiana will be here soon, and then SHE can do my homework. Well just my spanish.

I'm reading the Sundaytimes because I'm cultured like that.

Darn those aliens!

If a pentagon can be split into three triangles, why do I hate maths coursework?

Blogggininnng. I am blooggggining. That is not a word! I am writing blogining because it would be a word if had written the dictionary.
So hohoho
Nothing to report really.

Parents evening is next week, that should be a blast...oh and I have to have a post sixteen interview about coming back to the sixth form. How fun. I have to tell them what I am going to bring to the sixth form. Killer shoes. I am going to bring killer shoes to the sixth form

Omigosh, so yesterday in English, Denise sort of moved her arm, and oh so accidently on purpose revealed a slightly self mutilated wrist, so I was like "Denise...what did you do to your wrist?" and she covered it up and was like "I was bored." now correct me if I'm wrong, but is that the most bullshitting excuse ever? So I said "Don't show kat" because who knows what Kat would do. It's not like she's naive or anything, but half the time she'll put on a big show for her own amusement which is all fine and dandy, but giving Denise the attention she wanted was probably not the best idea. So anyway, Eventually Kat sees it, and she yelps and jumps and goes "OMG" and hyperventilates which is like so overreacting if you ask me, but she seemed to thknk it was normal. So then Denise was all like hahaahaha. Finally we convinced Kat that Denise got in a ferocious bout with her cat.

Cutting yourself, is not that worst thing you can do, heck, it has it's upsides right? Cutting yourself for attention is a little pathetic. Cutting yourself because youre bored is like OMFG GET BROADBAND. Seriously, if anyone needs to get addicted to a message board, it's her. You wouldn't believe the crapt hat comes out of that girls mouth.
But who knows, maybe it's all true, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, and I'm going to hell for doubting her.

I spent last night playing a french boardgame. It's pretty cool, you get delt four cards, and then each have a town on them, with some information about the town. Then you play on this big map, and you start at Paris. The aim of the game is to move around the map, through all of your destinations, and then return to Paris, the first one there is the winner. What makes it difficult is that everytime you reach a destination you have to take a yellow card, which gives you an instruction to put your piece somewhere on the map. This can be good if you end up somewhere that you want to be, or bad if you were like, two places away from your final destination.

But I was playing it properly, which meant everytime I landed on a place I had to read the card in french about the location, and then speak in french the whole time. On one hand it was totally cool, I mean french totally rocks. And I feel SO contental when I speak it, and I am not that bad I must say 93% you know! On the other hand, when I've been revising all day, (hello, GCSEs are in like 12 weeks! Eek!) and then learning spanish vocab all evening, translating reams of french isn't my ideal way to spend the hour before I got to bed. I swear, if I had been awake enough to dream last night, I would have been dreaming about frenchness. Or french cheese!

Ohhh my gawwdd! Really cool interesting news like wow! So this Sunday, there are these argentinians coming from Barker College in Buenos Ares (sp?) and they are going to be playing hockey against my school! I cannot, I repeat, CANNOT play hockey for anything, but they needed a place to stay so I volunteered. I am providing an establishment for Tatiana Vanesa. I mean how pretty is that name!!?? Where'd I get off with a name like Sarah? I speak spanish pretty well, so it should be excellent for my practise, and she goes to a school where fifty percent of the lessons are taught in English so there wont be any misunderstandings I think.

I'd probably be better equipted to speak to someone french, as phrases like, "si tu voudrai" and "c'est le jour de toi," but I'm sure I'll be able to get a bit of spanish in my head in time for tomorrow afternoon. It's going to be like, the best! Bad news though, I'll have to clean my room!

Well I have to go study now, becauseI have work at 1.30 and then I have swimming at six and if you didn't realise my GCSEs are soon!

If anyone knows, could they pass on to me squirrelmick's predicted grades? It would be most appreciated. Mine kick ass by they way.

If I actually get them, I'll be dancing the charleston on a flagpole.


JOOOOOOOOOo why do you not email me? My heart grows sick from not speaking to you!
Lawla! That girl at school? Called Laura? She thinks I am way weird.
Megz, you didn't call, I sob.
Melissaaaaah I hope your essay is dancing ccrazy! Did you take history for Alevel?
& Adam, for someone who misses me so much, I haven't had an email from you in weeeks! And what about the whole fanfic thing!?


LOVE YOU GUYS!

P.S. I had a dream that you replaced me with Bangzz

Somewhere ahead is the back of the line

Doyyeee I've got nothing to say to you kerazy chicks..and dudes. Not that dudes aren't crazy because they totally are, but they aren't really kerazy, probably because of the alliteration thing. Although now I come tot hink of it, "kerazy" and "chick" don't start with the same letter. I mean "kerazy" starts with a "k" and "chick" starts with a "c" so it's not really alliteration. It's a lie.

How shocking.

Lemmme see, what happened this week.

Well I got a 38/45 in my spanish listening test, and it was like, a practice paper, so the fact that I'm getting such high marks already is really good! I got a 33/40 in my French reading, also very good, I beat Nicola by like, 1 mark, which is good! Very good! Gooder than you know! I found out my predicted grade for PE is C...aww well, fuck that. You can't win 'em all! Well you can. But I can't. I suck at PE.
Anyway. Highlight of my week? Probably when I foudn out I got 73/75 altogether in my History Coursework. Joint highest in the year. Who rocks? *Silence* Any guesses? No one? No one has a clue who could possibly rock? Nah, me neither.

Gah, this week was all like "OMG YEARBOOK" and I was like "OMG I DON'T CARE" and the following happend.

1. I refused to get a yearbook picture taken
This lead to my friend getting all sulky.

2. I decided I would only get a yearbook picture taken if I could have a multicoloured lollypop infront of my face.
This lead to my friends being like, "Sarah..."

3. I got a boring picture taken, but editted it in photoshop so let's just say all the minor imperfections on the real thing? Not there.
What? I know I know, but my motto is, if you've got to be there, at least look good.

4. I refused to be in the class yearbook picture
This lead to me being frogmarched into the picture and FORCED to smile.

5. I refused to put my name down for the prom
This lead to my friends putting my name down WITHOUT ME KNOWING. Scandal

6. I found out that my friends put my name down and crossed it off.
This lead to the following conversation
Me: Why did you put my name down to go to the prom??
Friend: So you can go...
me: I'm not going to the prom...
friends: *in unison, like a choir* Yes you are
me: no I'm not. I'm going to stay at home and be a social outcast
friend: *avec pout* Sarah, you always do this whenever we do a whole class thing
me: Yes. because whole class things are lame
friend: *Gives me I-wish-you-would-just-grow-up-like-I-clearly-have face*
me: *stubborn face*

So I win! sort of. I'm not going to the prom. Not if they pull me kicking and screaming. I refused! I am a conciencous objector! I mean really, if the preps threw a party, would I go? No I would not! It is like..the biggest anticlimax of any girls life. What I didn't mention to my friends is that my mum said I could take some friends and have a day out, go bowling and to the cinema and eat out if I didn't want to go. Hehehe. Teehee. Ha ha hepetitis.

Gawd, there is this girl in my year called Denise, who is like...well she's debatable. Sometimes she can be cool, other times really not. She spends most of her time telling us about her boyfriends who are either.
1. using her for sex
2. UGLY
3. Using her for sex, oh wait I did that one. Uh.
3b. imaginary
So in English, there is me in the middle, writing, doing the "group" work that our lazy as a fisherman english teacher Mrs "Iamalightbulbwithchickenlegs" Parks sets for us, in an attempt to do as little as possible. Then I have Kat on one side, Denise on the other, talking about D's boyfriends. So I listened to her stories for a bit. This lesson it was about a guy who she'd been "in love with" the day before, and then it turned out that all of the "signs" which she thought meant he liked her, didn't actually, and he was a jerk. It was, dull. So after a bit, I went and talked to some actual cool people, although Denise is all like "oooh so scene." So we were chatting, and Denise actually has the ..stupidity, to ask me why I am not working. This lead to some mild swearing and unorthodox cursing, before giving her the Talk. No, not that one, the "DO NOT FUCK WITH ME" talk. Highly effective.

Funnily enough, when I went back to sit with her, she acted like nothing happend, and then wrote "Sarah rocks my sox" on my hand. How strange. She's odd, but cute. Like a puppy that keeps coming back to you. Yes. A self harming suicidal but not quite suicidal puppy.


Melissa still hasn't written back to me.
A couple of you seem to have forgotten I exist and not emailed me.

What the hell does "on a break" mean anyway?


Peach out!

Partay? Groan

Partying is all good and well, but not when you have to spend the next morning apologising to the neighbours for playing Mr Brightside so loud at 11Pm, nor is it fun to discover some pizza on one arm of the sofa. Infact, clearing up after a party, from taking the glitter gel off the floor, to removing the confetti from the chandelier, is all in all not very fun.
Partying on the other hand, is rather fun.

I'm very busy today, just taking a break from tidying up. I have to go to work at two, and am planning to have lunch before that. I'll be back by four, I have to do a maths paper, a biology poster, and a french sheet for homework. Then I want to do two units of spanish extra work, and revise for a spanish test on lost objects. After I've done all that I can relax with Anna Karenina and Dashboard Confessional.

Gawd, it's busy being a geek.

I'm thrilled by the amount of sleep I'm getting. Due to my early nights, last night I went to bed at half 11, but I was able to wake up this morning, completely rested at 9 which is shocking for me. I can stay in bed until 1 if my mum will let me.

Speaking of mums, mine is ploughing down the stairs, probably to yell at me. byee

Super Duper Fantastic Project!

Finally! My super project will be unveiled. It's a bit of an anti climax actually, but it took ages, and here it is!


Yeah...sorry about the whole not funnyness, I tried, I really did! It just didn't work out. Either way, I did try, so please comment!

Another soz boz

Very very very busy, stupid coursework and stuff, I really need to concentrate on a couple of things. I wont be able to update until probably next Saturday, but hopefully by then the super thing will be done, and I am working on it as we speak. Sort of. I'm having a party on Friday, so I'll take some picys and hopefully upload them..

Having fun listening to old but cool musack.

Finished 1984, plan to read Lolita tomozzy mozzy. Hopefully I can update some of my fics next weekend
byee
xxx

SOZBOZ

So busy. So busy so busy. Thank goodness I'm not still on ue. SO BUSY.

Drowning in work, I'm sorry that I can't update properly and I can't unveil the marvalous project that I have been working on I tell you, but I've been so busy that I haven't managed to finish it..I'm going to go to bed now and try and read 1984 (tough book) and tomorrow I have to go out.

I'm having a slight dilema about choosing a 6th form. I can choose to stay at my own school, or I can go to a private school which is better with smaller classes, not to mention I could get a russian GCSE on the side. The only problem is, I need As or A*s in my subject A Level choices, I need generally As and A*s in all my other subjects, I need to do an exam on my knowlege of my A Level choices plus maths and english and I need to interview well, and I need to pay £6000 a term to go to the private one. There's not really any point in being worried about it now. If I don't get in then all of the worrying will have been in vain. I'm just sort of trying to keep up with my work.

Tomorrow I'm going to an adult party, I've got some bubbles that don't burst, and I am going to take them which will be teh cool. I've done quite a bit, and everything is going good, but I'm a bit stressed and I can't really write it all down here.

Internet cravings are getting lower.

xxxxxxxx

Not Dead, just sleeping

Current Projects
1. Comic
2. Fic
3. Biology project
4. Pen palling
5. 1984
6. A big project you guys are going to love

What with all this to do, I shan't be updating until Saturday, but it'll be worth waiting for, I'll unveil project number 6! Be there or be a pear. Anyway, got to go, post 16 evening at my school, oh the joy.

The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret

Silly blogspot, it’s not working,s o I’m typing this in word, and I’ll upload it later with any luck!

Once again, I’m not on ue, or on msn, but I’m a bit annoyed because Blogger isn’t working, which means I cannot update! And I know everyone, including me, was eagerly awaiting my update!

Today, when I got up, I felt crap, through lack of sleep, and I also felt a little sick, so when my mum suggested I stay at home I obviously wasn’t too bothered. I went to bed, and woke up two hours later feeling wonderful. I had a nice long shower and generally felt good.

My holiday brochure arrived! I love holiday brochures; I love looking at all the places! It’s so fun! You can pretend you are lying on a beach in the Mediterranean instead of being in England, it’s a wonderful feeling. I also like cutting out the pictures and sticking them onto other things, it’s just a cheery sort of activity I enjoy.

I managed to do a large amount of homework, so I’m pretty proud of myself. I’m fed up of silly Blogger, so I’m going to do something better and I’ll update tomorrow, with my wonderful creation.

TTFN.

LATER.

Yes, this is the future, how completely shocking. It is a new and slightly scary place.

OMG, the phone has not stopped ringing today, I'm going slightly mad! It just wont stop, and everytime I end up answering and every time it's not for me. Le sigh.

I spoke to my brother last night and we decided that this weekend we might go shopping for cheap videos, which is great, and will get me out of the house. I'm having a good time today really. Look at what I've done.

1. Biology Revision
2. One Picture
3. One project
4. One comic
5. Adam's fic
6. A bit of the next chapter of my Lily/ Snape

I was particularly pleased with Adam's fic, I wrote it for this competition thing he set, and it was only a short piece. The link is here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2746029/1/
It took two days for me to write, and it has no plot, and is exceedingly short. So much so that after I wrote it I felt as though I probably shouldn't have posted it, and thought it was horribly inadequte, but my lovely readers, not only my ue friends who I normally force to read things, but a few loffly people off ff.net actually reviewd it saying they liked it which really made my day. I was pleased with it as a piece of writing, but I didn't think anyone else would particularly appreciate it.

For those of you curious about my comic, I'm moving it to keenspace, so it takes a while, it might be two weeks, believe me, it's not my fault, blame keenspace! But I see this as a good thing, I mean it gives me time to get a good amount of comics done, but not posted, so that I can update reguarly. I shall post the link here once it's all up and running, and it's going to be good! Barbie will be making several guest appearances.

Soem of you might know that I like cutting magazines up, infact I thin I mentioned it above. Well today I cut some of the Style magazine I get free with the Sunday times up, and then stuck it down, sort of, and made quite a nice picture, but I don't think it'd appeal to my readers, so I shan't post it here. Suffice to say it was rather good, and a good use of my time :)

Oooh my project. Well I'm sure you've seen my puppets by now, so get ready for this. Tada! *points to picture below*

Now I know, alot of you are sitting there going, WTF? I assure you in real life it's more obvious what it is. The words on the top, yes they are words, say "The Puppet Show" and there are curtains on either side. In the middle is a picture, mainly compiled of magazine cuttouts, actually, it's from a James Villa brochure that I ordered, and then stuck down. It's a beach scenery. Below that, you have all my of my puppets so far lined up, and you might just be able to see far left Joanna and far left Yasamin. Obviously if I was using the puppets, only two or three of them could appear on "stage" at the same time, as there just isn't enough room for them. The background with the beach scene is easily removable, but as of yet, I don't have any other backgrounds, so all you'd have is cardboard..I'm planning on making a forest one :) The idea being you lean the back ground against the wall, and then put on the floor a piece of paper, on which you draw a very rough picture. For this, it would be the beach, mainly sand, a bit of sea, and draw some people on. You then use your puppets there! It sounds awful, but it's really not! I'll explain in detail another time.

So! That's how I spent most of today! The next chapter of my Lily/Snape is coming along nicely, but anyone who reads my writing religiously might have noticed that it's become a lot more descriptive, and I like to think it's gotten better. This means it takes far longer to write chapters than it used to, as I'm actually putting more emotion and thought into what I write, unlike my blog whereI just write any old crap. I'd particularly like to thank Megz for always reviewing, she's a sweetie. And Laura..hallo.

Hope you are all well

xxxxxxxLoveyoutothemoonxxxxxxxxxx

I'm missing msn, the temptation to sign in offline is very strong.

Day 1

Well hidey ho there. Check it out. I'm not on msn. I'm not on ue. I've done most of my homework. I am writing my blog.

Totally cool.

Anyway, yesterday wasn't very easy. I mean as soon as I logged off, I was like, what the hell did I just do? And I wanted to check the thread to see how ue had reacted so much! I was really really desperate. But I didn't, I turned off the computer and went to bed. All night I wanted to get up and check, but I didn't. How cool am I?

Today I had to go to the sports centre before school, trail all the way there and then all the way back. It's so sleepyfiying. Consequently I didn't pay attention in Spanish and Maths ( We did a practice paper, bleurg) and then chemistry. Urg, I feel like there is this load of information I have to somehow process into my mind, and it's too big, and I'm trying to squash it in, but when I get one corner it, the other corner pops right out and I need to start over. It's almost impossible to grasp certain concepts.

My homework is really piling up. As I didn't do anything this weekend, I have to do it now, I have done biology, and maths, because pooey mrs Davis said that I had to finish the exercise, even though I totally cannot do the whole thing, so there isn't any point anyway. I just don't get it, nor am I motivated enough to actually do it. I've just about done my spanish, and I have to do history, also for tomorrow. I should be doing it now actually. Grah. Well I suppose I speak for teenagers everywhere when I say it can wait till later.

I'm writing this blog entry super fast, so I can keep all my lovely friends updated with my life, and still have time to live it.

Yesterday, while I was sitting around feeling depressed about leaving the internet, my friend came round. Her name is Maryam, and she's french, she's super cool, and as our parents are friends they sometimes pop round. So I had just finished making these lovely puppets that you can see below. Yes, I'm a little crazy. So I printed off some pictures from ue, cut them out and stuck them on to these pieces of card. They are the coolest! If you wish to be added to the collection, just link me to a picture of you, with a good headshot in your comment.
Maryam and I actually had a good play around with them. Laura and Erin went to the beach and hung out, Laura is an alcoholic and broke the Tardis, Erin stepped on several people. I shall probably post the rules of that game once I realise what they really are, then everyone can play it. I predict it will be the thing everyone is doing. All the crazy people at least.

I'm a little tired, but I had a nap after school so I'm all weird. I also have the hiccups. *hiccups* Scandalous.

4 tasks I have set myself tonight.
1. Do Biology, maths, history homework
2. Answer Emails
3. Update blog
4. Start on Adam's fic.

I've the middle two now, but I need to do history!!! And Also, I have made no headway on the fic.

P.S. Love you all. Wish I was on msn right now. Please comment!

GTG Get Education, BBL

Said my brother as he went off to university again.


I'm so nervous. Here we go.

Budding Young Writer: Scribbling in Bathroom!

After about fifteen minutes at school, the enthusiasm of going back for a new term wears off and you realise you have another 14 weeks until the summer. That's 70 days. That's alot.

Here goes

So I guess I owe you all a big explaination. Anyone who comes here no doubt has gone on ue, or checked their emails and knows that I've left the internet for now, burnt all my bridges and even given up my moderating job. Boy that was hard.

Except obviously I haven't done any of that yet. See I've been planning this for a while now. How would I have been able to write and send all of the emails in time? How would I have been able to write my going away speech on ue, and how would I have been able to write this, all on one day? I couldn't of course. Today, it's the 30th of December, and I'm speaking to a couple of people on msn and no one has a clue that in a few days I'm just going to put a flame to my entire internet life. Well that's a lie, I think Freshie knows and Rob suspects something is up, but no one else.

I'm so terrified.

I've spent what, two years? Building up this persona, working my way up on ue, getting friends, trying to help people, but the internet has sort of consumed my life.

Recently, you might have noticed I've been down. It's been a few months actually, maybe three. I've been sort of depressed. I've been crying alot, and some of my phobias have gotten worse. The fact of the matter is retreating into the computer hasn't been helping me at all. My life has been feeling really useless and I've been unsatisfied. Worse still I hate lying to you all the time when you ask how I am. A couple of times I've been honest, but even then you probably haven't known just how rubbish I've felt.

Anyway, I haven't been living, I've been doing nothing except for using the computer. I'm always getting in trouble with my mum and arguing with my brother because of something that's happend online.

A couple of my friends suggested I get out more, which I did, but I didn't really enjoy it because my life, my friends were on the internet. It was so pathetic, is so pathetic. I get so upset when anyone has friends over to goes out, and they leave me behind. TEW said she was going to be lonely at new years so I volunteered to stay up and talk to her. Later she said she had a friend coming over and I needn't. This tiny stupid thing upset me. The fact of the matter is, the internet didn't need me as much as I needed it.

So I am going to send out several emails, saying goodbye to particular people, I hope I don't leave anyone out. I'm going to take a step back, out of the internet and try to make things better. If I fail, I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused.

I'm going to be keeping up my blog, and my fictions, and my comic. All information about them will be posted here. If you don't hate me, and do read my blog, please comment on it. I will be answering my emails.

My feelings right now? Well, I am this close to backing out, if it weren't for the fact that everyone knows, I would. I've burnt all my bridges. There's nothing pulling me back.

Showtime.

So quiet, another wasted night, television steals the conversation

Exhale. Another wasted breath again it goes unnoticed.

So I've got lots of thoughts. I'm thinking of making a box, so that when I'm bored or when the cravings get too much I can look inside the box. I'll put loads of things in it, like jigsaws, and colouring books and yoyos. I need to learn how to knit. I might just, the possibilities are endless.

I like that idea, a little box, filled to the top with toys. Childrens toys I suppose but I'm not a child? Like a children's toychest. It'll be secret, mine, but I'll use it all the time. I'll be quiet all on my own but quiet and maybe happy.

I have so many plans! I might keep my room clean, I might write letters to strangers, I might get a pen friend. I could do anything. I plan to culivate pleasures of easily gained expiriences, like sucking on sherbet lemons and blowing soap bubbles. I'll watch the stars from the roof tops and wait while my eyes adjust to the dark.

There's so much to do..so many worlds I haven't explored yet. I'm worried that I wont be able to use my time effectively! What if I run out?

Most importantly, I'll be able to get back to the real world. My real friends, I mean I've been neglecting them really badly recently because I've just..oh I don't know. I suppose I've been in a bad mod because Iv'e been having lots of problems and things on my mind, but most of the time when you think about it, my problems are all self inflicted.

There's a part of me that doesn't want to go back, to be with my friends from school and live a proper life, but even if I don't want to socialise, I can still be happier away than I am here.

I occasionally forget why I'm doing this. I'm holding onto the thought that everything will get better. I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't.

13 days remaining.

Preparations

I'm still not sure I've made the right choice, but sometimes I wish it was the 12th and I could just get it over with. It seems so drastic. I don't want to back out now.

I'm aware I'm being stupidly vague. I don't want anyone to guess. Because it wont work if they guess. I think. I'm not sure.

I'm just babbling. People around me are so happy. I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I'm ugly and scrawny and a coward.

It's funny how I have this whole thing planned. The whole everyone ignores me thing works, no one guesses. Well maybe one person, but apart from that, out of all of my friends, you would think at least a few more people would have. But they haven't.

I should have started preparing. I need to write emails and plan a speech but I can't bring myself to do it.

I'm having a bit of a rough patch right now, lots of things are bothering me.Most are caused my the internet.

Everything will get better soon.

Deep Thinking

Well, I've been doing thinking. For a while now. Lots of thinking. It feels like lots of things have happend and I don't know which ones to trust.

I do know that things are going to change. I think. If I can. If I'm brave enough..

January 12th is the date I've set. The thing is, I don't know if I should, and I don't know if the reason I think I shouldn't is because I'm afraid. This is true. I don't want to fail. I want to be remembered.

January 12th, seems too close. But also too far. I need to make the preparations. I'm making the most of it while I can.

Sometimes

I often look around at my friends at school and think, they came in as scrawny little girls, and now they've become pretty young ladies. What the hell happend to me.



No one reads this blog. No one cares what I have to say. Not even the people that say they care about me.

Funny Thing

www.saraklaus.blogspot.com

Check it out.

Happy Midwinter from Sarah Claus

Do you know, my name is Sarah. And Santa Claus' first name is Santa. The first two letters of both of our first names are not only shockingly simillar, they are the same.

You realise, that this means you can substitute the Santa in Santa Claus, to Sarah? Therefore making a new, more special Santa Claus?

I give you Sarah Claus.

I'm like the anti-santa. I mean, I' ve made up this whole thing. I have a list of hardened criminals that I keep in my pocket. Every midwinter, I visit the criminals who have been particularly bad, and I steal their books. Yes, you read it correctly, I steal their books. And then, if they've been stealing candy from young children, perhaps babies, I pull out their hair. They wake up all like "omgwtf where is my hair?" and I am of course long gone, flying away on my ..I don't know, dogs from hell? What are they called? Huskys! Yes, that's it, huskys. I fly away on my huskys.

And why don't they wake up when I pull out their hair I hear you ask? Well, you don't wake up, when I pull out your hair, do you? And don't say you do, because if you did, then I wouldn't be able to return every other night, except wednesday because I have bingo on wednesday, and pull out some more of your hair that I add to my extensive hair collection.

And then I make a hat. Yes, Sarah Claus has a hat, made of hair. She wears this hat made of hair, and a bit trench coat, a pink trench coat. And I don't drink cocacola, I drink Dr Pepper. Take that St Nick.

Anyway, every one looooooves Santa Claus, right? Well everyone will love Sarah Claus to, but only love her, because they know that if they don't, she'sll steal all of your books, whether or not you are a hardened criminal.

What do she do with the books? Well, that's a very good question. She builds herself a magnificent fortress in the desert. You heard me. No stupid northpole crap, she lives in the desert. Damn straight she does. She lives in a fortress made of books. And when she's bored, she picks up a book and reads it! But the whole fortress doesn't fall down or anything, because it's like, when you pull a table cloth out from under lots of plates and stuff. Yes, she's that good.

And you know how Santa has all those elves to help him out with shit? Well Sarah Claus has loads of Dwarves to help her out. They don't wear stupid dresses either, they wear...robes, like in Harry Potter. Yes. Just like that.

Anyway, yes Sarah Claus is very busy all year around. Because she is planning on who to take books from, which books to take, and so on. The dwarves help her, by preparing big sacks for her to put all the books in, so that they don't like, split or something, because that would be a bummer.

Yessir it would


Next week, Cyber Punk Sarah.

Writing

Don't you hate it when you want to write something, but you don't know what? You feel like creating something, putting words into an experience, you want to make something beautiful, and you can't. There's no plot, no idea, only an urge, a desire to make something exist.

That happens to me alot. I'll be sitting in English, doodling on a spare piece of paper, and I want to write something. Sometimes there will be a small idea attached, sometimes there isn't one. Sometiems I just write anything that comes into my head, like a desciption of the room, of my self. Sometimes I write feelings, sometimes I write to myself. I don't like to waste it, the eagerness to write, I feel that if I don't somehow trap it and use it to my advantage it'll fly away, like so many times before. But I also don't want to write for nothing. Is there any point in writing a paragraph that no one will read? That has no storyline, is simply words on a page? It exists for itself and me, and is beautiful on it's own. But it doesn't finish, it's incomplete, and there is no desire within me to complete it anyway. Later on, I'll look back on it and wish I could gather the inspiration and motivation to continue it, but motivation is like happiness. When you want it you can't get it and it often crops up when you can't make any use of it.

I wonder if it is a waste, and what I ought to do with it. What would someone else in my place do when they are suddenly hit by an urge to write? Some people would write it anyway, some people would put it into whatever project that they put on hiatus months ago. I normally just ignore it. Is this is waste? The problem with writing is it's addictive.

Say that I am in school and suddenly feel like writing something, and so I do. What do I get from that lesson? I don't learn anything. But I do write something. That would be great if the writing went anywhere, if I gained from it, but I don't. When I get the writing bug it sometimes lasts for a day, sometimes for a month, but it leaves eventually. True, you can write for a while after wards, just simply going on in the hope that you can continue until it's finished, but that rarely happens. After that, it's only a matter of time before my writing dries up and turns into something I'll shove at the back of my wardrobe and leave there, hoping that I shall one day return to it. To my dismay, when I do revisit it, I find myself disgusted with the quality of my writing. Where is the description? The setting? Why is the plot line so unoriginal, where is the twists and turns that keep me hooked. It's as though someone else has written it and I hate it with a passion.

It's not always possible to write. I need precise situations which only goes to prove that I am not really a writer. Writers, I'm sure, can write whenever they want. I can't write when I have people around me. I find it difficult, to write when my brother is sitting behind me. Writing is pouring out your feelings and emotions and thoughts and quirks on to a page, it's as revealing as taking off you clothes, and I can't do it. I have no problem with showing people the finished work, but my ameteur projects? It's far too embarrasing. I can't write if I can't concentrate, I can't write when I'm listening to music. Sometimes I can only type my story straight up, sometimes I only want to scribble it down on paper. Sometimes I constanly get distracted and there's always some way for me to not write. Maybe it's making excuses, because I hate to fail again. When you are writing you get your hopes up, you start dreaming about getting published. It's not true, it never happens. Writing is one thing, finishing a project a whole new concept and getting published is not as easy as it's made out.

There are thousands of other things that you can say or do instead of writing and failling. The failing is what hurts the most. Everytime I see a story crash and burn I resolve to not start another one until I'm sure I can finish it. Each time I don't manage.

Right now, I have three projects on hiatus. Although I haven't officially stopped any of them, and I do plan to finish them, I doubt that I will end up finishing them. I've seen my friends around me somehow manage to stick with one firm story line for years, while I flit through several, developing on one here, rewriting an opening here, and inevitably not accomplishing anything.

Sometimes, it seems that the easiest thing to do is what everyone else does.

The things I do..

Feel proud of me, all of you that have spent countless msn conversations trying to persuade me to enter the real world. Feel less useless, those of you who wanted to fight my demons for me without realising quite what they are. Feel relieved, those of you who were afraid I would spend the rest of my life in front of the computer...not that anything is certain.

Yesterday, my friend mentioned to me that maybe we should go ice skating, as they have put an ice rink in the centre of town. I was a bit apprehensive, as that would mean going into town, so as usual I said nothing definite. But that's nothing new. I was somewhat surprised that my friends were still asking me to go places with them, and not just supposing that I would automatically say "I have some homework," or "I'm not feeling so good this week, maybe another time." But they seem to still have some faith, or maybe they are just not very observant. Either way, I was all set to forget about it, when my mom mention it in the car. I was mega surprised, my mother, actually trying to persuade me to go outside? It's something of a foreign concept to me. But she did, and she sort of said I should go, in a sort of, "I-suppose-if-you-really-want-to-go-and-you're-with-a-group-of-friends-and-I-don't-have-to-do-anything, way. Which is a more enthusicastic way than normal. I assured her that I didn't really want to go, and I'd prefer to stay at home, but shockingly, she seemed to want me to go.

I felt like saying "Who the hell are you and where did you put my mother?" but I didn't think she'd appreciate this kind of humour. Instead I just played it down and smiled at her.

So it looks like I might go..my friends called again and say we should go tomorrow. I'm a little worried. I mean it's going ot be the centre of Birmingham and if anyone knows even the slightest thing about me, they're likely to know that the centre of Birmingham is not on my list of places to be. Infact I recall that it's high on my list of places that I would really rather not visit unless there is no other choice because I don't like being there at all and just thinking about it make me nauseous. I'm not going to go into the whole why I don't like it, or what scares me about it so much, because I doubt anyone wants to read that, nor am I willing to divulge that information even if they did. Somethings are personal.

I was still a bit iffy, but I mentioned it to Jo, and she sort of wanted me to go. Well, "sort of wanted me to go," is a little bit of an understatement. She did say that if I went it could be considered a Christmas present for her. This sort of thing pushed me over the edge. I haven't been able to think of anything to get her for absolutely ages, and so I thought, if she really wants me to go, maybe I should.

The point is, I do alot of things for my friends. If I know that they really need something I'll give it to them, if I know they really want something, I'll get it for them. I might be violatile, and dishonest, but I try to do what's best. My online friends make this difficult. What can you do for someone across the internet? It's a bit difficult, especially when it comes to things like their birthdays or christmas. I've been through everything, from writing poems and drawing pictures to simply saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" on the mic. But I know, that whatever I get them, yes it shows that I care, but do they really want it? Is it of any value to them? No. I don't think so. And I never like giving gifts if they aren't going to be used. What on earth is the point of thos bath salts I get from my birthday, when I don't have a bath? Why do people insist on giving me point romances, because they know I like books. Sometimes an unwanted gift is worse than no gift at all, what's the point of giving unless it's something worthwhile. You might as well just give someone a hug to show you care if you want to take the "it's-the-thought-that-counts" point of view.

So, if going skating will really make Jozina happy, then I suppose I'll do it. And not just for her, alot of people might be happy to hear I'm going out of the house, even if it's just once in the entire holiday. It's a start I suppose.


P.S. Who is it that keeps commenting? I don't mind, heck, it's fun to see that someone's reading, but there is a fine line between stalking and appreciating, and leaving your name makes it just a little clearer. If you don't leave your name, I suppose you do get to be all mysterious like Xena, Warrior Princess. Unless of course her real name was Xena. But I doubt that. Why the heck would anyone call their daughter Xena?

Blink and You'll Miss It

So yesterday when I was on webcam with Dillie, she said that I looked older. Now I do a very good impression of a six year old, I must say. I kid, I kid. I look about 14. And I'm nearly 16, so really, I look alot younger than I really am, but she said that I was getting older.

So being me, I spent a bit of time staring at myself in the mirror, and you know what I realised? I am getting older. I'm growing out of my baby face, and I'm loosing the whole roundness thing. Sometimes I even look 16!

The thing that's a bit weird, is that until she mentioned it to me I didn't even consider the fact that I might be finally growing out of my childlish looks. I suppose I've just gotten use to it, because it's been like this for so long. I mean, I haven't changed since..well since I was about 11. That's a long time to stay the same. So when Madeline mentioned it yesterday, I took it for granted that she was kidding. Then I went upstairs and had a look in the mirror. It's true. My face is changing, it's gone more heart shaped than circular, and my nose is sort of...straighter. Inface, I look like one day I might just be an adult.

This is a difficult thing to get my mind around. Especially because I quite like the changes. I am torn between longing to stay a child, curiosity to see what I end up looking like, and a painful desire to pause time.

All this is futile of course, as I have no control over how I end up looking, and time will go on inevitably. I wonder when I'll peak, when I'll look my best. I wonder if I want to know. If I don't maybe I can pretend that I am still growing, and that all growing girls get wrinkles. I doubt this very much. I supose I shouldn't be worrying about that sort of thing. I should be worrying about exams. What's the point really though? It's not like it'll help to worry, unless I actually revise because I get so worried, and that is unlikely is it not?

It still irks me, that I'm changing and that not only did I not notice it, but there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know the rules of this odd game, when will I stop? How will I know what the finished product is? What if I suddenly look in the mirror and see someone else?

I don't suppose it's my job. Someone else can do it.

Gifted

Note to self. Megz singing OCADO ocado.com is the cutest thing I have ever heard in quite a long time.

Knitting is a heckofalot harder than it looks. I thought, as usual that I'd be making scarfs by...well now. But I can't do the simplest thing. I suppose that's what everything is like. I mean nothing is just natural.

It's funny, because one of the most common teenage obsessions is trying to find your hidden talent. Like you always think there's something that you are a natural at. I suppose the desire comes from seeing others around you who are good at things. Like natural musicians or artist. But then, here's the funniest thing, very few people are actually natrually talented. Any talents that people have come from practicing. It's like everything else, you have to put in lots of work and effort, before you can reap the benefits and the rewards of being good at soemthing. The problem is, when you realise that you aren't going to pick up a harp and be able to play like a pro, you normally loose interest. It takes a very interesting and determined type of person to persevere after they've failed. Sadly, I am not one of those people.

Instead, I still try everything I can, in the hope that I will find something that's easy for me. Some hidden talent tha has laid dormant for years, only to suddenly surface. The thing is, my choices are runnning thin. I posses no unnatural talents in anything musical, nor drawing, scultping or anything that falls into that category. I can't play sports all that great, the only thing I'm good at is dodgeball..and I'm good at the dodgeing part. I'm not particularly strong, or good at cooking, I can type pretty fast, but so can everyone else. I'm not like, the smartest person in the year, I don't have a talent for modern languages. I am not good at constructing buildings or entertaining children.

Infact, the only thing I'm half good at is lying. And isn't everyone?

*Hysterical Laugh*

*Creeps onto the computer*

Shhhh, I'm not online.


*Giggle*


Ok, I'm online, when I said that I was going to try and make something of my life, or something like that. I vaguely recall that the conversation blamed my lack of ...anything on my excess of internet.

Infact, I am expanding my horizons, I've rented all three LotR films and plan to watch them all during the holiday. I have also taken out a selection of books, including "Looking for JJ" and "The Lovely Bones" which I hope to read. If this does not entertain me I can learn some of the spanish vocab that I got off the AQA website. Taht should set me up nicely for my exams.

Once I've done all of this, I'm going to take up knitting.


Seriously, it's occurred to me that there is very little cooler in the world than knitting. It's so ironic. So I'm going to learn how knit, then sit in the library at lunchtime and knit. I'll try to keep a straight face, but it's going to be so funny!

Speaking of which I have decided that next non uniform day, I'm going to wear my uniform, but still give the money! It's going to be hillarious! I don't think anyone will get it though.

I shoudl really stop lying, but I'm so good at it! That's not a good thing. Yes.

At least I'm upbeat today. That's because I'm slightly hysterical. I might burst into tears, or burst out laughing at any moment. I think it's best if I do nothing.

I am actually feeling a little crazy today, I might be sick actually. This isn't very good for me, I mean, I might snap at ay moment. That would not be good.

The internet bores me, but I can't find the will to log off. What else is there for me to do? Nothing as usual. A big fat blob of nothing.


The next person who asks me why I don't go out much dies.

When there's nothing left to burn you must set yourself on fire

So when everyone leaves you, at least you'll still have yourself to confide it. The point is you have to make yourself someone that you want to confide in. When there's no one else to talk to you can always talk to yourself, if you want to. It takes a collosal amount of energy to talk yourself into any kind of sensible conversation. You can have a stupid conversation, but to create another person in your mind, to see them, and have them think something else to what you think, it's a very difficult thing to hold in your mind. Creating an imaginary friend is an even harder feat, you have to create someone from scratch. At least when you speak to yourself, you have yourself to start with, and you can just change certain aspects. And yet as children we all had imaginary friends, or claimed to. Whether or not we really did, we probably wont ever know. But why waws it so easy then? Surely we were children we had limited brain capacity. Did we cheat? Did we really just pretend to have an imaginary friend? The pit is bottomless as you can never, with complete certainty, relate something that occured as a child.

So the question I'm asking myself right now, is that have I lost something that I had when I was a child? I know I've lost my innocence, well that just happens, but did I loose my imagination? I mean, I have a pretty vivid imagination for someone my age, I can make up wonderful stories to get me out of trouble, and I can make up wonderful things to take my mind of other things. But then if this is true, when why do I find it so difficult to sustain another person in my mind? Maybe it's because I need the space in my mind to grow my own personality, there's just not room for two separate personalities in there. That's true enough, but surely I should be able to summon the strenght to keep a secondary character for a few minutes. Maybe I just lack the will power. That's worrying. It means that I don't see the point. Now I think of it I don't. I feel as though I've lost something that I ought to have had, I'm on the edge of a cliff.

I was able to thin of amazing things when I was younger, but I would hope that my imagination has refined itself so that I don't come up with ridiculous ideas that wouldn't work. So in refining, did I skim off some of the importants skills? Should I still be writing about mice turning into humans and dogs looking for balloons? I don't think so, but if it means that in that state of mind, I was able to concentrate on a wider spectrum and keep more ideas in my head at the same time, maybe I should have stayed like that.

It doesn't really matter though, because it's not as though I could go back, and if I did I don't think that anyone who reads my stories would appreciate it. I suppose that as my style of imagination to fiction changes, my thoughts change with it, and my ideas become more disciplinednm. It's entirely likely that this is good for writing and that all good writers have lost some of naive childish prose, but in the end they gained.

The fact that I can't conjour anyone in my mind except for me could reflect on anything. Maybe it's just that I've had a change in lifestyle, or a trail of thoughts has finally finished and I have' come to a new conclusion.

The most depressing thing is when you spend days, hours of you life moulding yourself a creation, maybe based on fiction, maybe based on fantasy, only to find you can sustain it for mere hours. Is it work it? And then the lonliness that comes after you've lost a friend that always knew how you felt.

Being a teenager isn't fun. You go through all these changes and it's not original in the least. You're exactly like everyone else, and yet you always want to stay apart. It's like we're all in a fog, and we're near a cliff, but we don't want to call out to each other, because we don't know if it would be so bad if we fell off.

They say that adolescances is an age of madness. I don't disagree. The worst part is you know you're mad, and you like it.

At least when you're all alone, you can talk to yourself.

Lipgloss and Yield Signs

There are problems, when your hair forms a triangle after you wash it. When you step out of the shower, and after giving it a once over with the hair drier, it vaguely resembles a slightly wavey egyptian pyramid.

So obviously I straighten it. I wouldn't do it if I thought it was damaging my hair, but it just can't be, because I have so much hair it wouldn't matter if it did.

Once you have the perfect hair, it's inevitable that you will have to find the perfect lipgloss. Whether or not you wear makeup, you should always, as appropriate, wear either lip gloss, or eyeliner. In this way, you can manage to look decent and tidy, withotu looking slutty. On suitable occasions, such as visiting the king, light foundation also might be applied.

A common problem is when a stray wind blows your perfect hair into your perfect lipgloss, which by nature is exceedingly sticky. Then you not only get a dollop of lip gloss in your perfect hair, but in some dire situations, you may end up with a clump of not so perfect hair leading to a not so perfect appearance. The solution to this common problem, is of course to keep your hair cut in a fashionable bob, leaving no strands long enough to reach your lips. Other, more natural methods include tilting your face sky ward, and blowing any strands that dare to enter within 3 cms of your lips. Unfortunately, there are always side affects. The former might cause neck problems, the latter might cause you to resemble a blowfish.

One of the greatest problems in life, is that no one knows enough about protocol. I imagine that if every household had a big book of easy access protocol guidelines, everything would be alot easier.
Think about it.
You'd never have to worry about being over dressed, or under dressed, you'd know whether it was rude to serve someone when they had already pointed out that they didn't want to be served.
The latter became something of a problem for me today.
I wont go into detail about who our guests were, sufice to say they arrived at an awkward time, when my mother was out, and due to our relationship, I was unable to entertain them. This lead to much problems, as they wanted to speak to my brother. My brother and I get on very well, and we make a good team when we speak to people, he provides the intellectual comements and I provide the comfortable small talk. In this way, we manage to charm most people. Unfortunately, when left alone, both of us make mistakes. I tend to go overboard, make inappropriate jokes and basically chatter about anything, and he tends to mutter, murmur and generally retreat into himself.

The question that arose, is that what do I serve. My mother wasn't at home, which led me to the task of being the hostess. I had already asked, and they had said they didn't want anything, but even if they didn't really want anything, it would be inhospitable if I didn't present them with something. Failing that, at least it would give them something to do, and stop my brother from being completely at a loss. But what to give them. They had already pointed out that they didn't want tea, so therefore giving them tea would qualify as a stupid thing to do, and possibly, they might take it as an insult. Tea was out of the question. Could I just present them with some water? But that was too bland. I couldn't just give them water, I might as well not give them anything at all. I decided that fruit juice was a good idea, but what kind? I supposed that mango juice might be a bit pretencious, and we didn't have much else, so I settled for good old orange juice. I had to open a new carton, else they would have had to drink that pulpy bit at the bottom, but I think it was the right idea. Now a new problem threatend to stop me in my tracks. As there were only two guests, and so therefore only two glasses of orange juice, how would I serve it. I could simply hold the glasses and go in, but that would be a little gaunche. Therefore I produced a tray, and after covering it with a doily, I placed the two glasses there. That was all fine and dandy, but it pointed out that it was a bit of a waste to get the tray out if I was only going to put two glasses on it. And even so, I could hardly give them a drink and no food. Food was another tricky issue. I couldn't fry them anything, and I doubted they wanted anything fried anyway, it would be far too heavy. I could give them chocolate, but what if they suffered from diabeties, or were simply dieting? It would certainly lead to awkward questions and therefore I avoided it. Biscuits maybe, but it had to be the right kind. In the end, I hit gold, and decided to give them a few dates on a plate.

After putting all of this on the tray, and balancing it quite well I thought, I presented it to the company, and left the room. Although they only ate one date, and probably only finished their drinks out of politeness, the fact remains that I had fufilled my duty and the host, and therefore I felt rather proud of my achievements.

Rather than tidy up the mess that my rather haste preparations had caused, in true teenage style I decided to leave it for my mother. Although now, rethinking that idea, as I w ill probably end up tidying it away anyway, and would recieve more credit if I were to do it without being asked. After much contemplation I have decided that maybe I should tidy it away. I'll do it in just a minute.

Today, another one.

What did I do today? Nothing. As I'm sure you wel know. I never do anything. I rarely leave the house, and when I do it's not to do anything interesting, nothing anyone else in my situation would to, and if it isn't it's only because they avoid embarking on such dull endevours.
I managed to completely blow minal off today, when she suggested meeting up in the holidays. I don't know why. I just did. I don't want to go and I don't know why. It's my fault.

I wrapped up my presents for my friends today, I can't wrap anything. I wrote their cards. My handwriting was barely legible. I bet they'll think I didn't put any effort in, but I did. I don't know why I couldn't write neatly, or use a bit more selotape. I bet their presents for me will be beautifully wrapped.

Mum suggested I take a friend to centre parks. I couldn't think of anyone I would take. My school friends would all get annoyed with me within a day, I'm constantly arguing with my friends from the circle, and I'm not surprised, I'm such a moody cow I'm shocked they don't just slap me. Even if I could take my internet friends I wouldn't. It's obvious that most of them don't like me. The conversations are so weak. I know they are getting bored of my whining all the time, and I have to stop, but I can't help it. I can help it. I'm just being selfish. I should be more cheerful. I bet in real life, they wouldn't be able to deal with say, ten minutes of my company. They'd be so bored and wish they'd never suggested a meet up.

Rob mentioned that I would be missing out on meeting him, Geo and Laura. I felt so bad that I didn't care. I'm not missing out, and they certainly aren't either. Everyone wins.

Adam and Meag are going out, that deserves a mention. I'm horribly jealous, because all Adam does is talk about Meag, but I suppose this is how he felt about Rob, but worse, because he liked me, and I only like him as a mother. Yes, he's my adopted son. Meag is super pretty. She has lovely blonde hair and a cute face. My hair is triangle shaped.

I have to go and play squash tomorrow, it's not going to be the most fun ever. I don't know. Knowing me I'll be really grumpy and argue with Kat, that'll just make everything perfect.

Actually, there is no actual arguing, just a ton of hard feelings and swallowing acid on my part. Because if I don't no one else will.

I'm on this new forum, full of like 24 year olds. That's me, in 8 years. How depressing. I almost hope someone shoots me. Almost. Maybe tomorrow I'll get hit by a car. I wonder what Ue will think. I hope they care. But they wont I suppose. No one on Ue even knows me any more. It's my own fault for not keeping up with the new members but I can't bear it.

That's all for now I think. Any more and I'll depress myself even more than I already have. Love and Peaches.

Ten Secret Facts About Me

They did this on Ue, but I was too shy to do it properly.

1. I'm shallow, but I hate it when other people are shallow.
2. I'm a snob, but I call snobbish people stuck up.
3. I yell at people when I get annoyed with them, instead of trying to work out why they are like they are.
4. I constantly blow off my friends invitations to feed my fears.
5. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy.
6. I feel like an idiot writing this, because any problems with my are self inflicted.
7. I'm constantly all dressed up with no where to go.
8. I hate offloading on my friends, because if I do, I think they'll dump me for someone cheerful.
9. I think crying is weak, but I cried in front of my whole class when we watched "of Mice and Men"
10. I hope no one reads this.

Attack of the guilt

So I felt pretty guilty for not updating my blog, what with the few people who do read it. Goodness knows why, nothing ever happens to me, and nor do I have any insights like some.
For example, Megz does loads, Luke goes to parties all the time, Dillie has all these thoughts, and I just sit here typing into a forum where no on knows the first thing about me.

It's all really quite weird when you think about it, that they would be interested in anything that little of me would have to say.


Now, some other weird things.

I'm going to be 16 soon. Not so soon I should start freaking out, but soon enough for me to start writing ballads to my carefree years. Although, I never really had carefree days after I hit 13, and some mean girl at school told me what sex really was. God, who can be carefree with that hanging over them? I don't know, I sometimes roll in my bed, cursing that girl. Is she fictional? Will you ever know?

I love reading fantasy. I am well aware that it's rubbish and that I should spend my time in more profitable endevours, but I still love to pick up a tamora pierce book and then sift through it for a few hours. I like it I suppose, because it's escapsim. Television, movies, books and the internet give me a nice steady diet of escapism and I couldn't do without it. Even when I'm dried of my normal addiction, by running out of literature, or being banned from the net, I sit in my house and day dream, or better yet, really dream. Dreaming is the best. Sometimes I wish I could sleep forever. When I die, I hope it's like that, just sleeping.

I've got to think about my future whatever the hell that's going to be. I mean I have to choose my A Level subjects, which is a whole big important thing, but I dont really know what I'm going to choose, and if I do, to what end. I don't have an aim yet. And what makes the whole situation worse? Everything I worry about, has been done before. Countless students have wailed about not knowing what their calling is. My lack of originality is applaing. Why can't I think of anything better? I don't know. I blame myself. It's not my fault.

I did fairly well on my mocks. All A's and A*s so long as you don't count my B in PE and who the hell would anyway. I see no reason for it to spoil my fun, PE sucks anyway. If I go up a grade in everything, I shall be a very happy bunny. I'm sort of afraid to dream. Too good to be true really.

I'm looking forward to my post sixteen evening. For those of you unfammillar, it's where they talk about what I'll do after I'm sixteen. I have to apply to sixth forms, and I have to find out my predicted grades. My predicted grades are going to kick ass. Call me evil, I want to beat Squizzymick.

No one in my history class knows what Hyper inflation is except me. How stupid is that. It's not rocket science. I probably should tone down the whole arrogance thing. What with the not shopping at Asda, looking down in anyone who plays sport, and staying inside the house all day, I really shouldn't be making fun of the people in my history class. Hyper Inflation is a really difficult concept to grasp. *Snort* Yeah right.

HALLO

Due to popular demand, my blog is BACK. And cooler than ever. Sort of. Ok not really. At all. In any way, shape or form.
Good news, this year, we are going to have lots of freaking out!! Hurray!
Bad news, this year we are going to have lots of FREAKINGOUT! NOOOOOOOOOOOo

So this weekend was eid. A very coool eid it was. Chances are, if you are reading this, then you know all about my antics, but to condense.
Friday night, party. 12 people, piggybacks, human pyramids, hide and seek, etc.
Friday night, sleepover. 3 people, mad babies.
Saturday morning, breakfast! 3 people, mad babies, lots of fooding
Saturday evening, dinner. 7 people, nice food, the ring two, mad babies, fireworks
Saturday night, sleeping. I AM NEVER WATCHING THE RING TWO AGAIN
Sunday all day, party. 100 people? Lord mayor, lots of bling, cool food, running around.l

And that brings me up to now! Hurray. Sadly, I have school tomorrow, and my mocks are imminant! I want to do super well as usual. Hmph. Chemistry test on tuesday. Arg. Lots to do! Ah well, I'll do it late at night. That's what being in year eleven is all about no?