The madness slowly takes it's toll, lunging at me from behind the monitor when I least expect it. Four days without fanfictions, without so much as thinking of fanfictions, and I am not sure how much longer my sanity can hold up for.
I pacify my cravings for escapism with other medias, but another twenty six days of this may drive me over the edge. If i seem crazier than normal, you can assume the worst.
I really like sleeping. A lot. More than you'd think. It's nice when it's dark.

On another, just as blackening topic, I have a driving lesson tomorrow. If I don't pass my test soon, I'm going to have to take up residence in my wardrobe. Letters can be addressed to "The mirrored wardrobe" and slid between the gap of the door and the side of the wardrobe. I can make a nest in the coats, and sleep standing up; it wont be so bad.

I just ate a banana, and now the skin is empty. I wonder how it feels to be an empty banana skin. All your life you have a banana in you, you label yourself a banana, but then the banana is gone, and suddenly you're this "skin" you're just a covering not the real thing, not even half the real thing. You have this big identity shock right after you lose the only thing you could ever call family. Then you slowly blacken and rot. What a life.

Istanbul was nice but i feel the blue mosque could have been bluer. I haven't heard from Rachel or Kim in a long time. Rachel's on holiday somewhere, she should have gotten back today. Maybe she's mad that I missed her birthday party. I thought she would be happy since I paid a lot of attention to her gift, but she hasn't said anything, no messages or emails or anything. And I haven't spoken to Kim since results day, it's kinda hard to since she's glued to her boyfriend. Not that I blame her, that's normal I suppose. I figured out recently the reason all my friends think I hate boys, the reason I act like I do. It's because subconciously, I've always known that there's a part of my friend's lives that is completely separate from mine, the dating part specifically. It's something I can't understand, that I can't be a part of, and that I can't relate to, and I always knew sooner or later it was going to evolve, and become a bigger part. I suppose it boils down to them moving on, while I stay in the same place. I feel like that a lot, but I don't think it's a unique situation to me. I'm sure lots of people, maybe even the same friends, feel like that.

I've been feeling kind of stupid recently actually. I don't know why. Well I do, but I don't think the reasons are valid at all. I feel like I want to go on an identity holiday, you know, a holiday from being myself? Or maybe it's just late. I do get kinda whiney at night. It's a good thing no one's online